What about hapiness?

I was reminded this week as I did some more recording in the local recording studio about my attempts to get my driver's license. Recording can be like that. While you must be relaxed and in the zone, you are trying so hard not to make a mistake and such a mistake can come on the very last note of the song. I remember thinking I had past my driver's test, I think I was even waving to my sister who watched on the sidelines, only to be told later I had gone through the last stop sign. You see I was so excited that I had successfully negotiated the parallel parking and the three point turn - all in a big boat of a station wagon, that I lost sight of the finish line. My joy stole my concentration. Yes recording is like that. You have to get all the way to the end, with no mistakes - all while trying to stay relaxed and not think to much.

Concentration is still so important on today's road with today's cell phone drivers. It's also important to stay calm when late and not speed. As I sped up Route 1, late for my volunteer assignment in Daniel's kindergarten class, I slowed down too late after I saw the police cruiser on the side of the road. Yikes! I was going 70 mph in a 50 zone. Can you say big bucks? Not to mention the fact that I would now be very late. As I compiled my registration, insurance, license - I conceded defeat and waited. Suddenly I heard a knock on my window, and lowered it. "Galen McGovern, hi!"

I was stunned and had no idea what was going on. The policeman must have observed my confusion. "My son Harris is in Daniel's class." Oh. I didn't even know this man's name though I had met him once. He kept talking and explained he hadn't entered anything into the system about the incident. The upshot of the whole conversation was I didn't get the ticket even though I was 20 mph over the limit. We will have Harris over to play soon. Needless to say, I felt a little lucky that day and proceeded to the school - not really late afterall. The students thought it was a pretty cool story. "Did you really get pulled over?" Yes, but no ticket.

Unrelated thoughts

• Michael went to a Bar Mitzvah and I mistakenly bought (but caught later) a Bat Mitzvah card. At the time, there were simply no alternative cards and the fact that it was pink and sparkly apparently didn't register.
• Sanitary pads remind Doug of the old Shredded Wheat biscuits. Do they still have those?
• Michael forgot his shorts (again) and managed to run the timed mile in something like 6 min. 15 seconds in his heavy jeans.
• Poor Daniel had a day, a full day, of puking/fever on Saturday and said "This was the worst day of my life."
• When Doug turned in his resignation for a job he's 'hated' for 10 years - 99% of co-workers could only assume he was leaving for more money. "What about hapiness?" I asked.
• I ran into a friend in the graveyard with her dog and in the course of conversation she told me about a woman who she had a conflict with - the only person she's ever had a conflict with outside of her family. Well, though I tend to shy away from conflict this made me feel like I have a serious anger management problem. One conflict, ever?!

Fried to a crisp

When I ran into an Asian friend of ours at the pool, she had her daughter practicing her swimming. When I tried such things with my own son, he refused. So I let him have fun in the pool as we intended. We have also heard tales of this same friend's son practicing tennis with his ball machine, doing his Chinese homework, practicing his piano for an hour - you name it - all before he is allowed leisure time.

It all got me thinking about about the cultural differences - do these children listen to their parents more effectively or do the parents more effectively wield their power, or both? The girl at least seemed to willingly and happily practice her swimming. The boy however does seem to resist parental authority regularly, as well as other authority.

I can think of non-Asian examples of super achievers. I have relatives who are very competitive. As a result of that atmosphere, their children will very likely get athletic scholarships to college. I always wonder if the children would choose this path or is it just that parents have so much influence and children want to please those parents?

I also notice friends of ours whose incomes have increased by leaps and bounds while ours have stayed relatively flat.

But Doug explains my envy away and says these high earners are "fried to a crisp."

Speaking of high earners, my son interviewed my father-in-law for a school project about jobs. He excelled as a student and in the business world and told Michael he has no regrets . . .hard for me to imagine, but isn't that something? No regrets. He did the best he possibly could.

I guess with all these examples I feel remiss (competitive me) that the kids won't reach their potential or I won't/haven't reached mine and never will. Is pushing, focusing, and practicing the answer or will the result be - fried to a crisp?

I guess I wish I'd really focused on something when I was young - tennis, academics, music - but I didn't. I don't want them to have the same regrets.

Perhaps that's what those parents/earners are doing - going for it or having their kids go for it. Is it worth it? I always think balance is important and that's why playing outside was important to me even if I had a big test the next day - I consciously remember thinking an A-/B+ was worth not killing myself for an A+..

Coincidentally? while writing this, I ran into my Asian friend, again at the pool, while waiting for my son's swim lesson. So I asked her about the cultural differences. She suggested bribing the children :] or simply suggesting a bright future. They will choose this she assured me - the bright future. She acknowledged that Asians push their kids more and she has noticed that Americans seem to regret not sticking with things. Ah ha. Still I didn't get any real clear insights into the Asian philosophy and the language barrier didn't help. But Doug says the Chinese won't give away their secrets. . .

Spring thoughts

• "I just love the fresh air" Daniel said when getting out of the car on a breezy day - only he said it much more eloquently than that.
• Matt wore shorts to school before it was remotely warm by sneaking them under his sweatpants

Sleeping for science

Matt's interest in a summer sleep study was peaked with the promise of compensation. While visions of cell phones and God knows what else danced in his head, Doug and I wondered how much they could possibly be talking about to make it worth it. But we already decided it would have to be thousands for the inconvenience.

The research lab tries to make the experience sound fun - like summer camp, only indoors in a hospital setting. It sounds arduous to me. First you have to get on a sleep schedule at home - in bed at 10 p.m. and out by 8 a.m. for two weeks. O.K. that's not so bad but Doug and I don't want to stay up until 10 a.m. with him to make sure he calls in etc. Other required items - sleep diary, phoning lab before bed and upon waking, and wearing a wrist monitor. And half way through the at home portion there is a required lab visit. Also required are two consecutive overnight visits. With orientation, that's four round trips to Providence, but who's counting. Finally participants will live at the lab for seven days and nights.

Matt was reading the materials carefully and asked me what "scalp" meant. That's one of the places where they attach sensors and wires, in addition to the face, shoulder, and side. Still it doesn't sound so bad - meals, arts and crafts, fames, movies, naps, simple performance tests - all in a camp-like environment.

EXCEPT: Visitors are not allowed during the 7 day stay. Cards and letters are O.K. Now with today's postal service you would have to begin mailing any cards and letters a week in advance.
There was no mention of email or phone calls . . . Also, participants must stay indoors during the most beautiful time of the year. Finally, and this is the big one, after the first night, subjects will be on an altered sleep-wake schedule.

This casually mentioned item sounds tortuous to me (remember infant feedings?) and I don't think 9-11 or 15-16 year olds would like it either.

Unrelated thoughts

• I heard someone on the radio speaking about Salve Regina University - pronouncing "gina" like the tail ending of "vagina" - very strange.
• Leading a bus tour long ago in Bermuda - I spoke of a department store called Trimingham's and remarked "It's ubiquitous, like McDonalds." Then I heard someone from the back of the bus ask "Do they sell hamburgers?" Well Trimingham's is no more but that always makes me smile.
• One of my sons said emphatically after seeing the commercial, "We are definitely seeing Alice In Wonderland."
• One of my sons said emphatically "I want that!" while perusing a magazine. When I asked, "What is it?" he said "I don't know but I want it!" When I explained they were items for golf, including some electronic device - he explained he likes golf and wants to play . . . the wonders of advertising.
• One rainy day, Daniel said more eloquently than I can remember "I like getting under my covers and hearing the rain. It's like music that puts you to sleep."

Catchy phrases and tunes

Tia Louisa . . . .on her last legs.

Michael has what he calls catch phrases and he gets upset if his brothers use one. These are phrases like 'Touché,' 'Jiffy Mix,' and 'Ho, Ho, Ho Green Giant (sung).' They are usually said as a punch line in a non-sensical way. Silly, sure. But he's still only 12. He also has his own running top 40 songs that consist of songs with very few words like: 'The Banjo Blues' repeated over and over again. You get the idea. I can't remember any of the other songs but he told me just now that one is called 'Stone crab.'

It got me thinking about my own catch phrases and catchy tunes. With the kids I say things like "Find something to do" when they are loitering like flies or "Je ne sais pas" when I've had one too many questions. Inspiring - no, memorable - perhaps. I don't seem to have cliché phrases I use but there's still time.

But songs, oh yes, I have songs. Theme songs for each dog, including Sassy who is deceased. It's kind of a French folk song - 'You're my little Sassy Lu, little girl, little lu, ohhhhhhhhhh.' Tia's song is more of an opera theme with soaring vocals - 'Tia Louisa, ba, ba, ba, bum . . .' Toto doesn't have a song yet but he will and Tia's song may fade as she is being 'put down' this evening.

The boys all have songs as well and I make them up as I go to the same recurring tune. 'Michael Gordon. What are you eating? That's for dinner. Michael Gordon.' I find it very funny but mostly they just roll their eyes.

I don't know that I can translate the tunes to writing but they very well may be snippets from others songs but not something very obvious where I could say "It's to Jingle Bells."

And of course I created baby songs like 'Sweet Potato' and 'You're my sweet little baby child.'
So perhaps Michael is just doing what comes naturally. It runs in the family.