Emancipation Matriculation

I wanted to write this great speech/testament for to hand to Michael as he went off to college. I thought I would call it the Emancipation Matriculation but I didn’t want to be offensive to descendants of former slaves. I even started writing it. Snippets of advice included things like:

-If the bed spins, you’ve had too much to drink.
-Make Mom proud.
-Find an area/subject that you love.
-Take care of your car with oil changes etc. but we have the car at home (No cars for freshmen).
-Eat protein at every meal, but he does this anyway.
-Study hard.
-Have fun but keep your head.
-Get plenty of sleep.
-Be safe. Don’t do anything stupid.
-Exercise.
-Take an art class or music class or learn an instrument, just for fun.
-Live in the moment but think about the future – graduate school, jobs.
-You are smart, handsome, go for it, seize the day.
-Smile for photos.
-Find some friends who get you.
-Remember we are here if you need anything.

Know we are so proud of you and love you. You have all the ability in the world. Try your hardest and live up to your potential. This tome was going to be monumental. It was going to go viral on the Internet in the vein of the graduation speech erroneously attributed to Kurt Vonnegut - where the speech writer advises graduates to always use sunscreen and admonishes them you will never realize how good you looked when you were young. But alas, I didn’t present him with the Emancipation Matriculation. I boiled it down to three simple, key pieces of advice:

-Work hard.
-Have fun.
-Be safe / Don’t do anything stupid.

And the funny thing is he actually seemed to listen. Especially to the epic advice: don’t do anything stupid. Time will tell. Time will tell.

Graveyard Shift

Years ago I used to run into a woman in the graveyard while walking our mutual dogs. She was on the very early shift like me, before I went to my soul killing job at NOAA. I found out she was a professor at GSO. I would see her and her dog Butterscotch regularly and could easily recognized the dog. Well one morning Butterscotch was being walked by an elderly gentleman – so the next time I saw her I said “I saw your father walking your dog.” For God’s sake, the guy looked to by about 70 and she was high 30s tops. “Oh that was my husband,” she said. Gulp. “Oh I don’t see that well with these glasses………….blah, blah, blah.” As I tried to cover myself, she explained that he was indeed OLDER.

Come to the present, a few years later. I see the Professor woman (who I haven’t seen for years) walking with Butterscotch and an older gentleman with a lab-type dog. “Oh, you got a new dog?” “No, that’s my father’s dog. He is visiting.” Gulp. You see I was very careful but not careful enough. Apparently her father and husband are about the same age and I sure can’t tell the difference. Perhaps I need to keep my mouth shut. What a nice looking dog!

Last week, I was walking our angelic dog Buster, who doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. We encountered a young woman I didn’t recognize walking Scragglepus. Now I don’t know this dog’s real name but I recognized the dog as one that regularly snarls and growls at me jogging or launches itself at Buster. Luckily, Scragglepus was on a leash but nevertheless, he lunged at Buster in an aggressive manner. I said to the young woman, he is always aggressive with my dog. She replied, “He is always aggressive on the leash!” This is not a friendly dog and I didn’t explain to her that we have encountered him many times off the leash (he wanders over to the graveyard to harass) and he is equally aggressive.

SO I walked on minding my own business and keeping Buster close. As we walked by them again, she called out in a fairly smarmy tone, “Have a great rest of your day!” I said, “O.K.” I wasn’t about to say thank you, no sir. And then I remembered. This woman was the hall monitor or some such thing when my son Matthew was in kindergarten. And he was very upset with her. She was bullying him and insisting that he put his coat on, when they waited outside on the blacktop, whether he wanted to or not. One day, I went down when he was in line and confronted her. “If he doesn’t want to put his coat on he doesn’t have to.” She was obnoxious then and is obnoxious to this day and so is her little dog too. Think Toto with the witch in the Wizard of Oz. Some people don’t change. That personality is set. Unfortunately this young woman is also fat and I felt like telling her “You have an awful personality and you are fat!” But I didn’t. It would fall on deaf ears. You know how people say, “So and so has a really nice personality” and you immediately know they are not good looking. Scragglepus and Scragglegirl both have bad personalities and are not attractive either. A lose lose situation. Double whammy. Is it really better to light a candle rather than rail against the darkness. Perhaps next time I’ll try a little kindness. What a nice dog! Ha!

Costa Rican Boot Camp

It’s not a good trip unless Mom throws up but I am getting ahead of myself because the trip didn’t start out that way. I set the alarm on my new iPhone for 5 am and put it on the table by my bed. When I heard ‘beep, beep, beep’ in the middle of the night, I got up, showered, and dressed – feeling a little tired but hey, it was 5 am after all. Only it wasn’t. It was only 10 pm and I had simply received a text message. Whoops #1. So I went back to bed fully clothed and needless to say didn’t sleep all that well the rest of the night.

In the interest of extravagance and convenience, I had booked a local limo company to drive us to and from the airport. They were due to arrive at 5:45 am for our 8 am flight to Costa Rica. At 5:46 am (they usually come early), I called them and woke the owner up. Whoops #2. She had completely forgotten about us despite my two phone conversations with her and signing up via their website. We loaded up the car and sped to the airport and made our flight just fine but what if I hadn’t called?

On the plane, my husband wrote on a napkin ‘Oscar Eustis à’ pointing to the seat in front of me. When this man got up to go to the bathroom, I laughed. Not even close and Oscar would be positively insulted to be mistaken for this portly gentleman whose only resemblance was some facial hair. You remember Oscar? He was regularly in the news when he was the Director at Trinity Rep, before he left for NYC.

Back to the throw up, silly me. After 12 hours of travel, a meal of rice and beans at a local soda (that’s what they call ‘em), and a three hour trip from the airport up winding, winding mountain roads, I finally had enough and told our driver I didn’t feel well. He stopped at a super market near San Ramon and once the mothball smell from the toilet bowl hit me – it was all over and I threw up. Whoops #3. In fact, I threw up so hard there were small burst blood vessels showing on my eye lids for days after. But I digress, because I did feel a lot better (except for a splitting headache) and for all future mountain drives and most other drives, I took a Gravol – kindly purchased for me by our guide Johan. It helped immensely. Overall, the trip was good but it didn’t get better for days.

Day one involved a horseback ride in the pouring rain and an afternoon of zip lining in frigid rain. Think COLD and needles stinging your face. In the instructional training for the zip lining, they told us to open our legs wide (Think CHILDBIRTH) to slow down. As I was going at breakneck speeds across hundreds of yards of canopy below, I panicked and open my legs. And there I was - eyes closed, stuck hundreds of feet from the platform, dangling in midair. I knew from the training, it was time for hand over hand maneuvering. After a few minutes of this, my arms where extremely tired and a young man came out to rescue me. There were something like nine more cables to go and I just wanted our version of Costa Rican boot camp to be over. We still had a week left. Once we got out of the rainforest and the weather, well, stopped raining, it made all the difference. What a difference a sunny day can make!

 

 

Unrelated Thoughts

Unrelated thoughts

• Even when they are not home for dinner, they want to know what is for dinner or what was for dinner. It’s all about food for these boys. What will I miss or what did I miss? And often, they will eat again when they get home from dinner at a friend’s house – whatever leftovers there might be. I can definitely tell you, as a teenage girl, if I ate dinner at a friend’s house, I NEVER asked what the family had for dinner. Because I didn’t care that much.
• Michael joked that they just keep putting the same Patriots story in the paper day after day, and week after week. It was probably almost true until Deflategate.
• When I pointed out something obvious to him, Michael said, “Good thing I can’t read. Thanks for telling me.” V. sarcastic.
• Similarly, near Halloween, when I reminded Daniel, “You can turn on the floodlight so you can see while you are sorting your candy. The switch is . . .” He said, “Mom, I think I know where the light is. I have lived here my whole life!”
• Michael announced he would like to be a color commentator for tennis tournaments. That would be his ideal job. I couldn’t tell if he was joking. He is good looking and that does seem to be a major requirement for anyone on television. Next, he said he would be the host of a cooking show. We thought this was hilarious and said he could make an egg sandwich each day, over and over. (This is what he does in real life)
• Michael made Grandma (who loves chickens) a birthday card that said: Why did the chicken cross the road? He heard it’s your birthday and he’s coming over. Complete with an aerial view of the street and our house and a cartoon chicken. V. clever.
• Now that I am not working, the kids are in school, and I am no longer taking care of my mother……………I am sorry I didn’t visit you sooner. I am so busy. Don't you get tired of people telling you how busy they are? BUT, if you wanna get something done, give it to a busy person.