Cheap disposable shit

I had a moment today outside, where the sun felt so good on my face. A moment can undo a lot. It can undo and change the momentum of your day when things don’t always go your way. When you wish in your secret thoughts that bad luck would befall your enemies. When you criticize the accomplishments of others in your head. When your unrequited dreams are not fulfilled.

Yes things don’t always go your way or go as planned. A friend gave me a beautiful stack (5-6) of size 8 Husky jeans, with elastic waists and Daniel refuses to wear them. ‘I don’t like jeans,’ he said. If they were my size, I would wear them in a minute. They look brand new.

And the new Patriot jacket I got him for his birthday – the zipper is broken already. Cheap China shit – although I haven’t actually checked the label for the country of origin. If I worked for NPR I’d have just gotten myself fired with the China remark.

And those gorgeous (debatable) stainless steel thermoses that I bought for the boys’ lunches. One is dented and the insert is already broken.

Cheap disposable shit. I spent good money on those thermoses but of course I don’t have the goddamn receipt. I love to get rid of things - but that doesn’t include products I pay good money for.

But that sunlight helped. I must go out again. And exercise helped. I jogged at least 2.5 miles. You see I am at 149.5 lbs and though that might not sound like much depending on your weight, it may also sound like much depending on your weight. The point is 150 is my absolute cut-off and I am on a gaining trend. Just so you know, 145 was my old cut off and it’s got to end somewhere. Ever since I went to Block Island (I am blaming you Nan), I gained 2 lbs. and it doesn’t seem to come off. Though I have never really dieted – I figure I have to do something to stave off the lbs. That something is jogging. I am better at jogging than I am at restricting my food/drink intake. Much better.

In fact, the only time I have ever lost weight is due to illness or lovesickness. Neither is in the cards right now so jogging it is. That and a little sunlight to feel good. Let the negativity in my innermost thoughts melt away with the low, autumn sun.

How do you see your world?

Do you see people as inherently good or evil? Do you believe in the goodness of humanity? Well I posed these questions to Michael and Matt on the way somewhere. They are captive in my car, captive to my questions and always fight for what they call 'shotgun.' And why is it called shotgun - was this where people driving solo placed their shotguns? Sounds logical. I guess you wouldn't place your shotgun in the back seat but I digress.

The question was this: "Do you believe kids are basically mean or nice." Well if you knew these boys you might guess their answers. Michael said, "Kids at the Discovery Camp were all brats." I guess this was his representative sampling of kids but I was looking at an even bigger picture. I was looking for their philosophies of life. Then Matt said without hestitation at all, he thought kids were basically nice.

Interesting too to note that Matt is one of the nicest kids on the planet and Michael is well . . . getting nicer as he matures. He just gave Daniel $10 for his birthday present. This was just astounding to me as Michael literally 'earns' about $5 per week. He gave away his babysitting money.

And this gesture makes me see and believe in the good in people.

Speaking of the good in people. A friend, 83, who died in August wrote this in his Christmas letter: "I had great parents." What a great thing. I unfortunately cannot say that - not even close but their were glimpses of goodness. For all their failings:

My mother (who grew up in a segregated society, with a black maid, and prejudiced against black people) invited Clarence, a black boy with corn rows, to my brother's birthday party probably 45+ years ago. She told me this like she was proud and other parents were surprised. Clarence was literally the only black child who lived near our neighborhood. And when I saw him at my brother's funeral he told me how good my parents were to him. I knew him as a young girl (my brother was 9 years older) and had no idea.

My dad (who also grew up in a segregated society, with a black maid, and prejudiced against most people) seemed truly touched to have gotten to know an amiable black man at a bar years ago. I don't think he had ever gotten to know a black person on a personal level and it surprised him. I think they even talked about deep topics like how it was for this man to be black.

My mother used to invite a homeless ex-neighbor over for Thanksgiving periodically. He lived out of his car. She even invited him to take a shower whenever he came to visit.

My dad told me once "I think you're just great."

My mother sat with me in the shade as I suffered from heat stroke at a track meet in 8th grade.

Unrelated thought

A quotation from Michael: "Being woken up by an alarm can make 9 hours of sleep feel like 6."

Is it a bomb?

The new stainless steel thermos and the offending hippie pouch.

The pouch is used for milk or lunch money.

When I brought these new thermoses home - under the guise of saving money - we are spending $7.50 per week on milk money - Michael said, "Mom, what are you trying to do to me?"

When I explained about saving money etc. I could see he wasn't buying it and tried, "Just tell them it's coffee. They think you're cool." Or "Tell them it's your crazy old mom."

I also tried the environmental angle - using a re-usable container etc.

"What I need is a water bottle," he explained. "Cause I just drink one little carton of milk each day."

"Well you have one." And I showed Michael how the thermos worked. "You can fill it up and bring it to class."

"I can't bring that around. They'll think it's a bomb," he said.

Between this new cannister and the 'hippie pouch' - pictured above, Michael thinks my mission in life is to embarrass him.

But you know what, when they came home from school (Matthew has one too), there wasn't much discussion. In fact, Matt said some of the kids thought it was cool. We may be starting a trend here. They are available at Benny's and Stop and Shop in case you want in.

Between you and me, these thermoses are not as great as I originally thought. For one they leak a little. And for two, they are too big for their lunch bags. But I don't think I can admit that - they were $10 each and I am determined to get my money's worth.