Maybe you can help me

I was browsing in the feminine, sanitary products aisle the other day at CVS when I noticed another customer browsing right where I wanted to browse. He was an elderly, energetic man who quickly seized his prey. "Maybe you can help me. I am looking for vacation-size underpants?" (I am pretty sure this is what he said).

I quickly responded, "You mean underwear?" (In a home survey, Matthew said he would have simply asked instead, "What are vacation-size underpants?" - but my response wasn't half bad).

He nodded in the affirmative and I directed him to the fine underwear selection at CVS. His wife was apparently in the hospital and they don't provide vacation size underpants there. (I am still wondering if he was looking for Depends or something else entirely). In any event, I asked him about his wife's size and he told me she was about my height. Now just between you and me I don't think height is how you figure out what size underwear to buy. I tried again, "Is she big?" I held my hands out about a yard apart. No, no she wasn't big.

Knowing that I am about a size 7, I directed him to the size 8s because most older women seem to have a little extra padding. He seemed to think this would get her through her hospital stay and he thanked me for my help.

In the disillusioned category

I just found out that Christopher Plummer did not perform his own singing in The Sound of Music. It was the dubbed in voice of Bill Lee. They had me fooled. I am still in shock.

When I remarked to my mother that a woman in our old neighborhood seemed a little odd (what I really meant was manly I think), my mother calmly explained that when she was born she had both parts and her parents had to decide if she was a boy or girl. I can't imagine. This had me more floored than the dubbed voice of Bill Lee.

What if I could wake up and do whatever I wanted? I would write/publish/succeed with an incredible book or two, develop a course, have a successful album or two, sell songs, invent things, have my own business, own real estate, travel/travel - and why not wake up and think that way?

I am feeling sad (for lack of a better word) about a new year's gathering of old college friends. It's 8 hours away . . .and I'm certain Doug will not want to go and I don't want to go alone. It would make for a harried few days. Do I simply committ to a futute gathering to make myself feel better and follow thru next time? I so want to go, but the effort is just daunting.

Learning to read

So Daniel and I are waiting behind a car at the light with lots of bumper stickers to read to pass the time. It's the light in Wakefield where an elderly woman was killed, so the wait time is terminally long. For those of you who don't have a first grader at home - he is really just learning to read. As I declined to read him all of the bumper stickers (one in particular), he figured it out all by himself. This sticker guy was obviously a Red Sox fan.

"Take your 26 rings and shove them up your ass" the sticker read.

After Daniel successfully read this out loud he remarked, "That's not a nice bumper sticker."

There was also a cartoon of what looked like Calvin peeing on a Yankees symbol . . .

Unrelated thoughts

-Health has gotten complicated and it shouldn't be. I can't keep track of all the good and bad things I am supposed to ingest and avoid. Which ones have the most pesticides? Which ones have the least? Which have the most antioxidants? I don't bother to even worry about it and just try to eat healthy. Isn't that the best and simplest thing, really?

-From last time: The one thing that can fix itself (not the dryer, computer, kitchen sink) is the human body. It's amazing.

-How many Celtic singers in prom dresses can one PBS viewer take?

-Even 35 degrees and sunny is pretty nice at this point.

-I am becoming my mother. My eyes have gotten smaller in my head. I now have a larger purse. I have a short haircut. I have morphed into what she used to look like, at my age. And if I wear my glasses, watch out, I am a dead ringer.

-There's alot of testosterone in this house.

The most romantic dream

I am not sure if I was the man or woman in this dream because the couple really seemed as one.

They were cozy and cuddling. The man had his arm around the woman's shoulder as they sat in a restaurant booth. She touched the side of his head and brushed his hair with her hand. He brings her finger to his lips. She brushes his lips lightly with her long thin finger. He can't resist and leans in for a kiss.

"No, not here," she says.

"I can't help it," and he continues the kiss.

Her lips respond and she kisses him back.

"You kissed me back," he says.

"I couldn't help it," she smiles.

He leans back and closes his eyes in bliss. When the woman asks if he is falling asleep he remarks, "I've died and gone to heaven."

Unrelated thoughts

• I know this sounds crazy but only recently did I realize that Olive Oil from the Popeye cartoons was named after, well, olive oil - the food product.
• Daniel asked, "What does anxiety mean?" I said, "Do you have anxiety?" and continued, "It's fear or when you get upset about something. Where'd ya hear that?" "I don't know it just popped into my head," he said.
• Wouldn't it be great if things actually fixed themselves. I am talking about things like computer printers, vacuums, cars. Admit it, don't you sometimes think that little noise will go away, just disappear and all will be well again.
• When Doug's uncle asked me at Thanksgiving if I was thinking about another one (child), I almost laughed in his face. "George, I will be 45 on Sunday. I think it's too late . . . . ."
• "Thanks for God and Jesus - because if it wasn't for him, we wouldn't be here." Daniel is happy to be alive and this is his Sunday School training coming thru loud and clear.
• Getting new sneakers was and is still one of the best feelings in the world.
• I think I may have said this last time but 46 degrees and sunny is pretty damn nice. And I wouldn't have thought that a few months ago, either.
• Part of me hates disgustingly disciplined people who can take one square of a big, beautiful dark chocolate bar and stop at that.
• Cooking can be a real pleasure with time and the right frame of mind i.e. relaxed.
• There's a 14 hour/week writing job at URI. Should I appy? Is it beneath me? Or am I simply scared I might get it - not like it and/or fail? Did I mention I am not sure if I will have a job in a couple weeks and my current job has been cut back to 30 hours/week?