Emancipation Matriculation

I wanted to write this great speech/testament for to hand to Michael as he went off to college. I thought I would call it the Emancipation Matriculation but I didn’t want to be offensive to descendants of former slaves. I even started writing it. Snippets of advice included things like:

-If the bed spins, you’ve had too much to drink.
-Make Mom proud.
-Find an area/subject that you love.
-Take care of your car with oil changes etc. but we have the car at home (No cars for freshmen).
-Eat protein at every meal, but he does this anyway.
-Study hard.
-Have fun but keep your head.
-Get plenty of sleep.
-Be safe. Don’t do anything stupid.
-Exercise.
-Take an art class or music class or learn an instrument, just for fun.
-Live in the moment but think about the future – graduate school, jobs.
-You are smart, handsome, go for it, seize the day.
-Smile for photos.
-Find some friends who get you.
-Remember we are here if you need anything.

Know we are so proud of you and love you. You have all the ability in the world. Try your hardest and live up to your potential. This tome was going to be monumental. It was going to go viral on the Internet in the vein of the graduation speech erroneously attributed to Kurt Vonnegut - where the speech writer advises graduates to always use sunscreen and admonishes them you will never realize how good you looked when you were young. But alas, I didn’t present him with the Emancipation Matriculation. I boiled it down to three simple, key pieces of advice:

-Work hard.
-Have fun.
-Be safe / Don’t do anything stupid.

And the funny thing is he actually seemed to listen. Especially to the epic advice: don’t do anything stupid. Time will tell. Time will tell.