Things happen for a reason

If things happen for a reason, then why did I lose my job? I guess I am meant to do something else or do nothing at all. Here are a couple comments I received after losing my job:

• Give yourself a royal break. Do unemployment for as long as you can. Follow your bliss! Make more amazing music.
• You are going to be fine. I think life is giving you a gift.

Now I have learned to be grateful to the gifts from the universe so I will take on this new challenge with a grateful heart. (It's not always been easy for me to receive gifts.)

And speaking of hearts, three of us got the same fortune in our fortune cookies the other day : "Great thoughts come from the heart."

"It's a sign," I said. "I've gotta write this down."

Michael thought I was clearly crazy and said matter of factly, "It's because they mass produce them.

Great thoughts, why not?

A colleague, who will likely have some work for me, seemed like she would be freaking out without health insurance but I've looked into catastrophic and it's not so bad - $450-650 per month for the family and it includes basic check ups, prescriptions etc. Not really much more than I'm paying now.

But back to the concept of things happening for a reason - I think you can find a reason - but when really bad things happen is there a reason? Is there a reason for one of my sister's mental anguish? I simply think no.

And why did Matt leave/lose his snow board on our first day skiing in Vermont? To irritate us all? To help him remember things in the future. To realize the value of a dollar when the ski shop charged him $175 for the lost/stolen board?

As we drove up Route 30 to the Bromley Ski area from Brattleboro, Daniel said, "I have a bad feeling I left my skis." "Look in the back," I suggested. Matt told him they were there but quickly realized his snowboard was not. It was a very bad moment. A very bad moment, indeed.

At the ski area, we were surrounded what I will call 'beautiful people.' Families with wealth, looks, and regal bearing. Note: I don't necessarily put us in that category. There were also no fat people at the ski area. I guess fat and skiing don't jive.

On one ride to and fro the ski area (we went 2 days) Daniel (who is always asking what my favorite such and such is) asked me what my favorite word was. "Serendipity." The funny thing is no one asked me what it meant. That stopped the conversation cold.

Serendipity. Perhaps when we say things happen for a reason - we discover new talents, new ideas, and new ways to pass time. New ways to persevere.

I still can't find a reason why Matt lost/left his snowboard at the little town hill in Brattleboro.

But perhaps my readers can enlighten me.

My layoff is imminent

"Your money is running out. I'm going to have to dump you after march. The music stopped and you don't have a chair." So said my boss and so said my layoff is immiment. Now I don't want to bum anybody out, but I like this job. And yes, I knew that it was temporary - fueled by stimulus dollars. But I did a good job, a damned good job and I am feeling sorry for myself today. So I figured writing about it may help me sort things out. What can I do now?

• Create the garden of my dreams. The kind of garden where nary a week grows and little old men are seen scratching the dirt to prevent any stray seeds from sprouting.
• Volunteer to be a chaperone for Michael's trip to D.C. in May. He would love this.
• Write a damn good novel.
• Finish a damn good album #2.
• Give myself a royal break for a year, or however long unemployment lasts with no goals and no expectations. Like a sabbatical without the pressure of accomplishment.
• Get megafit - walk, swim, bike daily.
• Spend the summer with the boys going to the beach each day.
• Help get my parents situation sorted out OR not.
• Complete household projects like painting the heating baseboards or sanding that little patch of wall filled with spackle and painting it over.
• Train at the food pantry and become a regular volunteer.
• Follow my bliss.
• Look casually for other jobs. There's not much out there and I don't want to sound like a deadbeat but I really don't want to get locked into a regular 9-5 job with 2 weeks of vacation. I would rather pick up a few projects - one potential contract w/ DOH comes to mind for $30K/year. I have a couple other ideas. String a couple of these together and I would have a nice salary without being boxed in.

• I think the best answer is to do things that bring me joy. Some of the things on this list don't feel like joy but chores. Joy. Joy. Joy. That sounds like the best idea.

Celebrating Valentine's Day, or not . . . .

When Daniel saw this envelope just like this, he said "Why red?"

When I got together with my musician friends the other night I reminded them "don't be stupid" in regard to Valentine's Day. These men were discussing the commercial nature of the day and contemplating dropping the holiday altogether.

Kudos, I guess, to the couples that avoid the commercial pressure and skip celebrating Valentine's Day altogether. One colleague said, "It's Valentine's day here, every day" referring to her household. They don't celebrate.

Another acquaintance makes a habit of celebrating two days later.

I do know it has become a commercial conundrum akin to Mother's Day (originally called Merchant's Day) and Father's Day but how can you not cave into the pressure to tell someone you love them? It doesn't mean you have to buy stuff or spend a lot. Saying you love someone is a good thing - assuming it's true. A good thing. We all need people who love us, even for a day.

I bought Doug some chocolates but a chocolate craving on Sunday had me digging into one bar of dark chocolate - so I gave him two-thirds of the bar a day early before I consumed it entirely. Once he had eaten that and was rummaging around like old Mother Hubbard for more dessert - I came through with the chocolate orange - present #2 - fully intact, I might add.

"I wouldn't eat both your Valentine's Day presents, I explained. Planning ahead can be dangerous when it comes to chocolate, so I was lucky.

I suppose if you and your significant other both agree not to celebrate Valentine's Day, it's O.K., it's fine but I found myself pining a little for a nice bouquet of flowers that night - a day or so after I ate Doug's chocolates.

Unrelated thoughts

-"I wish my girl was this dirty" - seen on a dirty white pick-up at URI.

-Speaking of vehicles, I miss real bumpers.

-Sorry but I don't think men in clogs is a good look.

-Booze cakes - headline in the food section. No thanks.

-From Daniel, the source of most of my inspiration in my socially deprived world. "There are three people in my class who are the best people. One is me and the other are girls . . . Elizabeth and Catherine." Why I wondered. "They can read really well."

-In the blessing in disguise department, my parents have priced themselves right out of a nursing home in RI.