The night the babysitter peed on our rug

When I was just breaking into the writing field I decided to interview a young woman who had worked for us as a babysitter previously. She had a heartbreaking accident that left her debilitated - details of which I won't go into here so as not to reveal her identity.

She dropped by on the planned night and we decided to do the interview at a local bar/restaurant. Probably my first mistake. As this was a highly emotional topic and incident, we likely had a couple beers along with our Quesadillas. I remember the food well.

Once the interview was complete we were prepared to walk the half mile or so home but somehow detoured into the bar area. Well, by chance the owners of the bar were all congregating, drinking, and generally having a good time. I felt absolutely out of place - frumpy Mom out with the hard drinking crowd. I remember my feelings well and one of the owners (who admitted to me he was an alcoholic) said something to the effect like "Did you and I ever do it" - because you see he wouldn't remember. I shook my head No, because I would remember and resumed sitting sat at the high table. I remember distinctly looking over toward the bar and watching my interviewee down a shot or two - complete with liquor dribbling down her chin. Yikes!

O.K. So after a while of feeling really out of place, I told her that I had to get back. She agreed and we walked home with some creepy guy? seemingly following us most of the way home. When we arrived, she asked if she could spend the night - which seemed like a sensible idea given all the drinking. After I agreed and she didn't follow me in, she explained - 'Not now, I am going back out again.' Mistake number 2 or 3 - I've lost count.

Later that night, much later, I heard a scratching sound as someone tried to find the key hole in the front door. I think I got up and let her in.

By that time, I hadn't slept at all with all the drinking and scratching and all.

And the noise downstairs continued. Thumping, bumping you name it. Finally I was furious and ready to kick her out and descended the stairs to hear what I thought was the tap running. As I rounded the corner into the dining room, there was the subject squatted down on our Oriental carpet peeing - a large volume I might add. After some yelling - telling her to leave and the requisite clean up, the subject retreated to the couch in a dazed humiliation and refused to leave.

I don't think she was there the next day when I woke up but I do remember some crumpled up carnations as some sort of token apology. They might have even been the white ones with the green edging - like you see around St. Patrick's Day.

There's been a lot of pee on our carpets since then - so it's all under the bridge by now.

Unrelated thoughts

• You know its cold outside when you don't take your hat off in the car.
  
  
• I guess Tiger took that slogan "Just Do IT" to heart.
  
  
• When I related to an old friend that my mother should stop driving, he said, "She wasn't that good a driver to begin with" and we laughed because it's true. But I never remember her getting in an accident. Because she grew up in Bermuda (without cars) she didn't learn to drive until she was something like 28 years old. If there was a highway - she wasn't driving on it. If there was a snowflake threatening to fall, she didn't drive that day. If there was snow on the streets, FORGETABOUTIT.
  

Signs

Oh I believe in signs and coincidences and synchronicity and all that stuff. In fact I told my mother when she dies I want a sign that life goes on. I am going to find a fabulous piece of amazonite on the beach. We've got it all planned.

In times of immense struggle I have found signs as well. An evil co-worker was out to sabotage my reputation and projects and created a project with the acronym DAN. I ultimately left the job because I felt life was too short and I wanted to do other things - like write. But a few years later we had a son and coincidentally? named him Daniel. Now I had forgotten all about the DAN project but I certainly wouldn't have had another child if I had continued working there. Coincidence?

Likewise, at that same job during a luncheon walk to get out of the stressful, troubled atmosphere I composed a song - that I believe(d) would prove to be a hit song. I have since recorded it and have sent it to a few places - so time will tell.

But there have been other signs - signs of god's love when I have been absolutely down and out. Long ago, I had a dream about standing behind a male assisting him as he urinated. Now my boyfriend at the time was very judgmental and I believe said something about penis envy. This boyfriend was something I prayed and prayed about - for it all to work out. Years and years later that vision came back to me as I helped one of my son's take aim at the toilet. In other words, the sign said to me I was meant to have these sons with this husband.

Speaking of peeing, next time I will have to regal you with a funny? story I was reminded of at a recent dinner party - and yes it involves someone peeing - on our rug.

Unrelated thoughts

-A boy on Matt's bus was making fun of him and calling him a homosexual. "That's terrible," I said with sympathy. I added, "Not that being a homosexual is terrible." In case you are worried, we have the whole situation worked out.

-I thought I had calmed myself down a notch with the full time job and the kids and all but my eye has been twitching the last couple of weeks - saying otherwise.

-Someone 'stole' my towel at the URI pool the other day. I finished my laps and it was gone. Doug and I both agreed we are not sure we would want to use someone else's towel - except each other's of course. The lifeguards offered to check in the men's locker room and told me I could come out and check with them after I got dressed -oblivious to the fact that I needed a god damned towel.

-How does Santa differ from Tiger? Santa stops after three Hos.
There was a v. funny sport's column listing all the slogans of the products Tiger endorses, with new takes on them. Gillette -'The best a man can be' - god I hope not. You get the idea. It was very creative. Personally, I find the whole affair(s) sickening - but Doug is enjoying the fact that people create false images of people (can you say pedestal?) when they really might be asses.
Why get married? And what can Tiger's mother be thinking? Doug insists she's known all along.

While you were gone

This note was left by the phone for me after Doug and I returned from an outing. The older boys were in charge of babysitting while we were out - though Michael was still asleep when we left, so Matt was really the primary babysitter.

What Matt did while you were gone

-Watch TV and eat multiple servings of breakfast
-Bully Daniel into playing Truth or Dare
-Put a frog in the microwave
-Watched a gory movie

This note was forged by Michael to replace the original note, which follows.

What Matt did while you were gone

-Spread leaves over garden
-Fed Daniel
-Unloaded dishwasher
-Loaded dishwasher
-Pretended to have an interest for Daniel's half hour story on ninjas; trust me IT WAS BORING
-Then watched Daniel's war movie to make him think we shared a common interest in war.

What Michael did sleep!!

This humorous competition had me laughing.

Unrelated thoughts

• Daniel was pretending he was his teacher at school the other day. He was telling his friend he would get a yellow slip for such and such an infraction when that friend (age 6) promptly stuck out his middle finger. Daniel told this story like he was horrified and he was v. confused when I started laughing.

• Don't ya just hate those women that don't eat? I remember commenting to a neighbor on her weight loss and then commenting on my own steady state. In regard to my steady state she asked 'What is the issue (for you) - snacking, portion control, more exercise?' YES ALL OF THOSE.

• My mother called me on my birthday but forgot to wish me happy birthday - instead she launched into some elixir I was to go buy at the health food store that would help my sore throat. Her last several calls have involved similar themes: 'Are you still using aluminum pots for cooking?', information about beef recalls, and fluoride concerns - 'Are the boys still using fluoride toothpaste? Well, I hope they are spitting it out.' You see, I have my very own health protection officer.

• I remember a joke that went bad - a close friend was turning 69 and I bought her a small bottle of Old Grand Dad with a note that said '69 and a little Old Grand Dad just seem to go together.' Needless to say, she didn't think it was as funny as I did and kind of gave me a confused glare when she read the card. Kudos to Doug for saying 'Are you sure you want to do that' before the gift giving.

• Daniel thought he had teeth in his poop the other day. I tried to get him to remember what we had for dinner the night before - corn.

• Speaking of poop - my mother seemed horrified at the reality of wiping my father's backside. He is getting v. feeble and immobile with Parkinson's . . . .