Trifecta

After a true trifecta of bad luck – my mother died (I found the body), my father-in-law died (I lost my support network of my husband for a while), I lost my job (due to an evil boss) – suddenly there were subtle signs of recovery, about two months after the grisly discovery. I pulled into a parking spot on South Main Street outside my lawyer’s office (yes I have a lawyer to help me with my unjust lay off) realizing I had about 35 cents in my wallet for the meter (this excludes the $3.50 in 50 cent pieces I have been carrying around to spend when the coin dealer told me they are each worth precisely 50 cents each). Lo and behold, there were 28 minutes on the digital display. Good because the meter doesn’t take 50 cent pieces and the 35 cents will buy me all of 11 minutes. Hallelujah I thought. O.K. things are looking up.

Just the day before, I was making copies of a proposal I was writing (to fill the void left by my job loss) and I am at the copier in Staples. Lo and behold, the copy machine is open for business without the insertion of my credit card. I figured out that someone’s card was already in the card reader (and was ready to eject and turn it in like the good person I am) but when I ejected it, I also realized it was a Staples card with $10 of credit on it. Hallelujah it was my lucky day (by the end of this I may learn how to spell Hallelujah correctly but I know from church there are multiple spellings – I can latch onto one). So I said to myself, would you turn in a $20 bill (even though this was only $10 of credit) if you found it on the floor in Staples? Of course you wouldn’t. You would thank your lucky stars and say thank you or hallelujah (is this word always capitalized?) or some other positive interjection. So I made copies of my proposals and still had 99 cents left on the card, which I stuck in my wallet.

I didn’t feel guilty. I didn’t feel guilty at all. Because when the universe gives you a gift you don’t smack a gift horse in the mouth, you say thank you God, Hallelujah, and pass on the positivity. So I was feeling it - these subtle signs that my luck was changing.

When I walked into the State agency to turn in the proposal, there was nary a soul to be found. No receptionist. No employee in the designated cubicle. So I asked a young woman if the designated person had a mailbox and before I knew it people are scurrying around to help me and my old boss (who I didn’t recognize after almost 15 years and well, more than 15 pounds of weight gain) emerges and says my name with enthusiasm. Enthusiasm. After asking me how I am (I mention the rough summer, my mother dying etc.) she says “So Galen, what are you doing now?” (A spider literally just crawled out of my keyboard so I will keep you posted on this luck changing thing.) Now I take this to mean, what are you doing workwise but it could have been literal – I am delivering this proposal to you right now. What do you think I am doing?

I feel deflated and tell her I worked with ABC Company for a while but they had some difficulties……………..I trail off. Did I miss something here? Did I miss another positive sign? Was this my chance to find work? Was she looking for someone?

We talk (or should I say she talked) about her daughter who is a senior in college and calling home to ask about how to cook pasta. I remember asking my mother how to cook a baked potato. I laugh. When I told her there was no receptionist and I just wandered in, she said something about that’s how it is at the State these days. Decimated. Deflated. Injured.

I just want a job. I wanna feel good. But I am determined not to grovel. I am determined not to be desperate. I feel like someone is gonna offer me a job without my even having to look hard. I will bump into someone and they will say “Wanna job?” And it will seem interesting and I’ll think what do I have to lose? The universe will provide and at the risk of sounding like my new age sister, it will feel right.

But this wasn’t the day. (The spider just crawled out by the Esc key and I blew it away, across the room somewhere). It wasn’t the day in this time warp of a State agency. Where everyone is still doing the same thing they were 15 years ago and everyone still sits in the same cube.

This wasn’t the day. But I am still thinking my day will come. What I need to know, am I crazy? You see all this goal setting and visioning isn’t working for me. I think I am due. After the trifecta, a friend said go buy a lottery ticket. I didn’t but I appreciated the sentiment. Things come in threes. The bad luck is over and the next time I wander into an office, perhaps they will offer me a job. An unsolicited job offer – like finding a $20 bill while doing something grueling like jogging on a 95 degree day. Hallelujah.

The spider is gone and my luck runneth over.