Chicken, Little

This is the chicken I will give to my new friend.

 

I was watching one of Daniel’s baseball games and there was a handsome boy of age 3 or so who had a small rubber chicken. He was clearly fascinated with this chicken and more specifically, the butt. He kept pulling the legs apart looking at the butt, showing me the butt, putting the butt right up in my face and asking me if I could see the butt. You get the idea. It was amusing and I said several times, “Yes I see it.” Tiring of the butt talk, I told him we had chickens at home and he asked, “Can you bring them to the next game?” That had us both thinking for a minute but then the chicken was back, inches from my face “Do you see the butt?” In an instant, he was snatched away by who I can only presume was his mother. She apologized and I explained it was really no problem.

Well, by sheer coincidence or not, my mother-in-law when dropping off scraps for our chickens left me with a rubber chicken of my own. I have kept it in my purse waiting to encounter the boy again. I thought I spied him at another baseball game but he was distracted with other friends and I wasn't ready to approach him.

Perhaps tonight, when the moment is right, I will see him and ask him if he brought his rubber chicken. Whether he says yes, or no, I will reach into my bag and present him with a beautiful, new, rubber chicken. He may be disappointed though. It  is not nearly as flexible as his, the legs are fused together, and hence the butt not nearly as visible. Pity.

Unrelated thoughts

• Saw a cute old lady in the grocery store. Her items on the belt: 1 deck of cards size piece of sirloin $4.72, 1 small cardboard box of salad, 1 bagel, 1 Coke, 1 apple, 1 bag of ginger snaps, 1 small milk. Her shopping for the week? Note: Daniel did not think she was cute.
• Me (age 47): “Do you need anything?” Matt (age 14): “Mom, I am leaving in 30 seconds.” Me: Well, I have cash if you need to buy lunch and I can dispense hugs if you need one.” I did observe a small smile.
• Daniel (age 9): “There’s nothing to eat.” Me: Do you want me to make you some French toast? Daniel: “No.” Me: “Well, you could skip a meal.” Daniel: “What, I can’t skip breakfast. It is the most important meal of the day.” He settled for an egg sandwich.
• My eyesight is getting so bad I bought non-alcoholic wine at the liquor store. I used to laugh when Doug pulled out a can of seltzer instead of a beer from the fridge……………..This wine taste god awful, like grape juice with no sugar whatsoever. Positively putrid but perhaps I will find some use for it - like an innocent prank at an upcoming dinner party.



The Kitty Litter Diet

It’s not always so easy losing weight, though truly I wouldn't know. I only seem to lose weight when I am sick. But people keep telling my husband “You’ve lost weight.” He’s down over 30 lbs. from when we met 20 years ago, so this is no overnight weight loss. He looks good but he doesn’t know how to respond to the constant comments. Here are some of my ideas:

“I only eat red meat now.”

“I stopped smoking.”

“I did this great beer and ice cream diet.”

“I stopped eating fruit and vegetables and only eat carbs.”

“High carb diet.”

“I only eat eggs now.”

“I’ll tell you how I did it in one word: bacon.”

You get the idea. If he could do this with a straight face, he could have a lot of fun.

Unrelated Thoughts

• What is the point of going to McDonald’s without french fries? I read they offer substitute sides now like fruit.
• Text message from Michael: “Can you pick me up?” My answer: “No, you are too heavy.”
• Daniel thought the animated cat in this kitty litter ad was hysterical – so hysterical that he wants to use copies of the ad for wrapping paper for his friend’s next birthday present.
• My favorite expression used by co-workers in Maine about the boss: “Your lack of planning, does not constitute our emergency.”
• From my armchair quarterback position here on the sidelines, letting Wes Welker go seemed like the bonehead move of the century for the Patriots, and yet they are 4-0. The magic of Tom Brady. Still, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Broncos win the Super Bowl and Welker scores the winning TD.
• I saw the funniest commercial on-line about tidy whities and skid marks. I think it was a real ad for Charmin toilet paper. ► 0:32► 0:32 www.youtube.com/watch?v=wo4oEdtDRPo
• Do you remember in the movie Erin Brockovich when Ed Mastry asked Erin how she had managed to gather all the chemical data from the Water Board and she responds, “They’re called boobs, Ed.” Duh.
• Last time I wrenched my neck so bad, I was trying to keep up with the triathlete in the lane next to me at the pool.
• When I was instructing Daniel about what he needed to do before we went to church: Get Dressed, Cut Your Nails, Brush Your Teeth, he said, “I can’t multi-task.”