Mrs. P's Pickled Peppers

These are the pickled peppers Daniel dreamed about.

Daniel and I were watching television and there was a segment of flashback on NCIS. "When life flashes before your eyes, does it go forward or backwards," he asked. Well I don't know that it really does happen but I think backwards because how would you know what hasn't happened, I replied.
He explained very thoughtfully that sometimes he has dreams that come true. In other words, he knows the future. See this fine example of the pickled peppers above. When they decided on a team name for his classroom (it was a vegetable theme), they chose Mrs. P's (name withheld to protect the innocent) Pickled Peppers for the class Jog-a-thon. Daniel knew she would pick out this fake pepper icon above from the Internet. He just knew.  He also told me he has had lots of other dreams of the future that have come true but this was the one example that came to mind.

Einstein said we think time is linear but that is just our perception. We just don't know. So the next time life flashes before your eyes, which way will you go? Forward, backward, or somewhere else altogether? You decide.

Unrelated thoughts

-I don't think men in clogs is a good look, at least in the U.S.

-Though everything is Nan's fault, including this 'hurricane' it turns out mom does not have a hernia at all but perhaps something else as indicated by a scan of her colon. A colonoscopy is next.

-Storms rarely live up to the hype in my experience. No school today. No work today. This will surely be the case tomorrow. But will Sandy pack a punch? Time will tell.

It's All Nan's Fault

Everything is Nan’s fault. Nan has been my 82 year old mother’s helper for five months now. And my mother still doesn’t know where all her clothes are after her move to Rhode Island. “I know I packed them,” she says. “But Nan probably did something with them. And Nan doesn’t know anything about clothes.” What I think she means by this is Nan doesn’t hang the outfits that go together – together. Who knows, but to give Nan a bit of a break here, my mother has clothes spilling out from every closet and giant totes in every room of the house.

She misses her old helper Sabra. “She liked what I like,” she says by way of explanation. When I ask what she likes, she replies “Clothes, shoes, makeup.” That doesn’t sound like Nan to me nor does it sound like me to me. I take her out to eat – because everyone I know likes to eat.

Mom used to be into cooking but she doesn’t do much of that anymore. She even blames her lack of meals on Nan. Apparently when Nan ran into the Stop & Shop last time, she only bought her one Healthy Choice meal. As a result, she has been eating yogurt for dinner all week. I suggested she needs to ask for specifically what she wants. Par example, “I need five Healthy Choice dinners for the week.”  Hey we all need a scapegoat and hers is Nan.

I did ask Mom if she enjoys Nan’s company and she said, “Yes, she is very nice.” She also said something about how Nan was a hippie.

So they are very different. I think in a perfect world mom would find another Sabra – someone more like herself. This could be the job description:

Helper needed for elderly woman who likes clothes, shoes, and makeup. If you are into cooking gourmet meals, even better. Duties include: occasional cleanup, running errands, going shopping for clothes, shoes, makeup and oh food. Need vivacious, cheerful companion who is a girly girl. And don’t tail after elderly woman in the grocery store. She likes her space.

I reminded her: There is only one Sabra.

Nan took mom down to TJ Max on her birthday. She told me she shopped in TJ Max for two hours and told Nan to skedaddle. I guess Nan did and when I arrived to pick her up for her birthday dinner she reminded me of Minnie Pearl in her new sweater with the price tag ($12.99) prominently hanging off her garment. It is amazing that my mother can walk around shopping for two hours but cannot walk 100 yards for any other reason. Only shopping for food and clothing seems to motivate her.

She needs a little motivation at 82. We just celebrated her birthday and she can’t believe she is that old. When she looks in the mirror she finds it completely depressing/distressing. Ah, yes beauty fades so we must rely on other things like clothes, shoes, makeup. . .Oh and more thing -  it’s all Nan’s fault.  

Unrelated thoughts

• I was talking with Michael about school pictures and explained “It’s hard to smile on command.” He agreed and noted to really smile “you need to smile with your eyes.” So wise. 
• Food for thought: Have you ever hated something you were really good at?
• Can I blame my problems on Nan?

Rosa Penis

In another age, my mother probably would have been a computer engineer. She is the only one I know, period, who can program her DVR like its slicing room temperature butter. Before the DVR, she was a wiz at recording programs when no one I knew could figure out the goddamned  VCR.  She is amazing. Doug says it’s because it’s important to her. But if you know anyone who is 82 and can figure this out, you let me know.  This is a minor miracle and goes in the who’d a thunk it category.

 

She certainly wasn’t technical in my eyes growing up, although gourmet cooking and sewing do take some technical skills. She always seemed to know exactly how many yards of fabric to buy per window for curtains. He mathematical / geometry skills are apparently in there still.

 

We don’t even have a DVR but when we get one I can call Mom for technical assistance.

 

In addition to her DVR prowess, my mother has become very adept at butchering names. She now calls Trader Joe’s, Trader Vic’s. She’s not sure why. She calls her new favorite restaurant Chinchilla’s but it’s actually named Cucina Twist. When I ask her why someone would name a restaurant after a rodent, she isn’t fazed. It’s all perfectly logical.  She calls her helper’s new grandson RO RO – that’s what I’m calling him, she says by way of explanation. His name is Rowan, I think. She also started calling her sister’s dog Rosa, Rosapina. 

 

Oh this brought up a funny story. You see when I was all of 12; my mother had a cleaning woman named Rosapina. She lived next door with a Peruvian family, the Chang’s, as their housekeeper. Well, I thought her name was hilarious and started calling her Rosa Penis. One of the Chang boys must have told her I was calling her this and she refused to come to work for my mother. Somehow, in time, my mother smoothed this over and I remember well the earful I got from my mother. At the time, this wasn’t funny at all. Looking back, its frickin’ hilarious. And that name has resurfaced as the incorrect name of my aunt’s dog.

 

Rosa Penis. Say it out loud. It will make you smile.

Eulogy for DAD

I remember when Etta died, Win said something about “good and bad and she was more good than bad.” My dad too was good and bad. I remember Liza said once “He was from the wrong generation.” Probably true, but there were things that were right about him.

Those of us that follow, inherited many of his traits – good and bad, right and wrong. Some of us have his physical traits, some of us have his mental acuity, some of us have his sense of humor, some of us have his physical quickness, some of us display his extreme frugality, most of us share his love of dogs. There may even be a couple of chess players among us.

There are many things I learned from my dad and it was more from observation. He didn’t necessarily teach you things. He told you how to do things. And many things came easy to him – athletics, academics (though he said he wasn’t a great student), music, writing . . . . he had a lot of talent.

Here are some of my observations and things I learned from my Dad:

• · Drive slow and always drive in the right hand lane on the highway (no compromises on this one).
• 
  
• ex. Passed by a teenager on Gary Rd. Didn’t tailgate while learning to drive on Falls Rd.

• · If you drink your coffee black and someone asks how you take your coffee say “Black like my heart.”
• · Learn the word perspicacious and use it often.

ex. Spent months trying to get a two year old Michael to say this word and I think he succeeded.

• · Find a good dog to love and to love you. It’s the only love money can buy.
• · Help your neighbors. He helped a divorced woman who lived across the street with legal advice and helped her install a fence in her yard. He helped another neighbor lift an I-beam for an addition to his house.
• · Family takes care of family – ‘nough said.
• · Don’t spend money if you don’t have to. He couldn’t enjoy going out to dinner even if someone else was paying because ‘they were spending money.’ Some of these traits carry thru when I hear myself say ‘Guys, we could buy a couple gallons of ice cream for what we’ll pay to go out for ice cream at Brickley’s.’ ‘Guys we could go buy some nice rolls, turkey, chips soda and eat all week instead of going out to Subway.’
• · If you buy your clothes at LL Bean, you call them your ‘haberdashery.’
• · Cars can be a topic of conversation. I heard ‘How’s the car?’ many times throughout my college career.
• · Have a lifelong best friend or two if you can.
• · If you mother has a friend who is the aunt of the President, call your mother the ‘First Friend'

His life in a box

While my mother got rid of my dad’s clothing, she saved his personal effects from his dresser and put them in a box for me to look through. It occurred to me that to some extent this was his life in a box. Much of what I sorted through defined who he was as a person.

Politics

Quote re: JFK by his father saying he just wanted to buy a victory not a landslide.

Value

There was his #12 gold filling.

Detailed descriptions of two watches he was given/inherited

Family/Sentimental

There was his hat from one summer working on the El Paso Natural Gas Co. pipeline.

Mrs. Ralph Holman Howard - engraved stamp

MBH - stamp

Photo of his brother Jim

Photo of his father

A postcard with the grave marked, address, birth date of his mother’s brother

in an American Cemetery in France – James Lee Hawkins Jr. 11-16-91 to 10-16-18

For Jeb – to be opened at my death (a touching note from his mother)

Frugality

At least three cheap, plastic, electronic watches/timers

Newport bridge tokens

Practical

There were miscellaneous keys to miscellaneous properties.

Key chains

Ancient container of spot cleaner

3 shoe horns

Flashlight

Map of D.C.

Toothpicks –hotel

Measuring tape

Screws – 4

There was a collection of outdated LL Bean coupons.

Plugs – 2

Secret, magnetic key container

Mending kits from Simsbury Inn and Horizons in Bermuda

Buttons

Paper weight – 1^st locomotive on Southern Railway System

Dogs

A very sentimental description of the life of a dog – brought home as a frisky pup, loyal friend, all the way to the dog’s demise

Leash clasp

Suki’s 3 dog collars

Spotted dog w/horseshoe - chain

Schooling

UVA law school pin

Yale bulldog

Armed Forces Qualifying test – he got a perfect score

Whimsical

Red feather from Tyrolean felt hat

An ancient condom – Dixie Deluxe

Cartoon matador figure

Game w/ die, 4 game pieces, game board

CA

Geode

Book of poems from Pear Blossom, CA

Spiritual

9 small Bibles – Jehovah’s Witness?

I was looking for a small memento to remember him by – did not find the abalone shell he had on his dresser for many years (though Sabra did later). I did not find his arrowhead collection from his early days in CA desert.

But among his belongings, was a birthday book with many of your birthdays, complete with birth year: Some of his favorite people had the birthdays of famous people listed next to theirs. Brother Jim/Al Capone/Muhammed Ali shared same birthday. Patsy/Rita Hayworth. Byron/Winston Churchill/Mark Twain, Pierce/Abe Lincoln, Charles Darwin, Jeb/Bob Newhart, Jesse James, Raquel Welch

Some of you may not share a birthday w/ someone famous . . . . but many/most of you are in that birthday book in his own handwriting.

B. Hanson, Suki, P. Lahti, M. Getches, Mioko, Bill Hansen, Nonnie, Daniel, Patsy, Christie G. Gordon McGovern, Art Dix, Mike Bontecou, Jaime, Martha, Galen, Byron, Betsey, Megan Howard, Bob Knowles, Holly Bontecou, Kris, Judy, Barbara Champlin, Margaret, Norman, his brother Jim, Georgia, Gene Santos, Bruce, Lucius, PNH/JH ’55, Doug, Pierce, Abe Lincoln, Charm, Meemaw, Pam Bazaar, Matt, Win, Richmond, Michael, Onnie, Bob G. Dana, Katin, Andrew, Cindy, Etta, Emerson, Sam, Rhys, Joe Hyde, Carolyn G. Dave G. Michael Stone, Caren G., Pam G., Colin/Matt, Debbie, Mary, his father, himself.

That is really his legacy to us – the people here in Matunuck he introduced us to.

Know he cared about the people in Matunuck deeply. This was one of his favorite places in the whole world and he passed that on to his family. We are so happy he did. And he had a very sweet sentimental side that most people didn’t see. He kept that boxed up.

Driving Lessons

There are signs Mom should not be driving. She hasn’t been doing it for one. She has her keys and simply chooses not to. Her helper said, “I think she knows.”

Other signs include backing into a man with a motorized grocery cart in the Stop & Shop. A car is a lot bigger than a motorized cart.

She told me she used the car one day, not that she could have kept it from me, because her wheel was up on the ‘curb’ of the driveway.

Today, she had a doctor’s appointment at 3:30 p.m. and she was wondering what she would do if she was in a panic and got lost. You see she doesn’t remember the roads and routes here anymore even though she lived here for 15 years. She explained her longterm memory is intact but not the shortterm. So some old routes she used to take she remembers – sort of. Well I gave her my cell number in case she got herself in a panic but there has been no call. I can only assume she made it to the doctor’s and will make it home.

I did give her a driving test the other day. As we drove to the grocery store, it was apparent that turning from a full stop was not her forte. I said a couple times, you need to pull way up so you can see. I got the impression she would just take her chances and pull out if I wasn’t there in the car. On the straight aways she was better but missed a turn or two – she blamed me for talking and distracting her. Her parking also had me worried though I am not typically a passenger and am a little skittish - it sure seemed like she came awfully close to clipping the car next to hers.

It’s role reversal. I remember clearly how she wouldn’t let me drive home after I got my driver’s license. I remember clearly how she used to pump the ‘air brake’ when I was learning how to drive. And her outstretched arms bracing themselves on the dashboard stay with me still.

My 80 year old boss thinks she should keep driving. Think of it like a big golf cart, he said. She needs some independence. Hmmmm. We’ll see. First fender bender and she’s out of the driver’s seat for good. As for me, I’ll stick to the driver’s seat with her if we have to go somewhere. Even if it’s a golf cart ride away.

I tell you what though, I was impressed how she hustled right around the grocery store on foot no problem. Food can be a great motivator. And when I asked her if she could push the cart out into the parking lot she got very insulted, “I’m not dead yet.”

Unrelated thoughts

• I found a new job. It's a sinecure: an office requiring little or no work, especially one yielding profitable returns.
• My co-worker says mom needs a boyfriend. "There's a cup for every saucer."
• Sometimes something has gotta give in our busy lives. In my case, it's the garden. I promise some day I will have a garden with nary a weed and gorgeous, brown earth between the rows.

Gay Paris

Well, I have been in Paris all week for a meeting for work. There have been some fun times and there have been some lonely times. Primarily, I do not like eating dinner alone. But all in all, this is a nice residential neighborhood where most people do not speak English. I personally think that is very cool - though with my limited French I cannot have conversations with anyone except the clerks at the hotel.

I have a few mishaps - was going the wrong way on the subway the other day and got caught in a wicked downpour also. As I jogged thru the streets of Montparnesse in my see thru white shirt - I acutally got very lost. Someone directed me in the approximate direction but I was so turned around and had no map or money with me. Lesson: bring money and a map when venturing out in strange cities, especially where you don't speak the language well. Eventually, after one hour, I found Rue Suffren. So I did get my exercise that day. And I can tell you when I go out walking I am the only person wearing running shoes in the whole city.

When I went out for dinner tonight I put my flats and my blazer on to be more chic. The French dress. Women are walking around the subways in four inch heels.

Obsevations of French Life:

Everyone is rushing around the city at full speed but then they'll stop for an hour to have coffee at a cafe.

There is great people watching here especially watching older ladies riding bicycles.

French people are thin and I mean thin. They look positively scrawny compared to Americans.

The American accent stands out as flat and awful after hearing musical French all week.

Making yourself understood is very important and that's hard if you don't speak the language well so sometimes you get what you get when you order in a restaurant par example.

Smoking is alive and well and wafting all over Paris.

One of the meeting participants who divulged to me he is an alcoholic advised me to treat myself well. Oui, je sais. He was speaking in regard to my new role as 'caregiver' to my mother.

Summer

I love summer. It's my favorite season hands down. I love the warmth, refreshing swims, and especially the light. Because even if you are working, you can enjoy the day and the light - before or after work. One of my favorite things is walking the dogs early in the morning - waking up with the world. Wouldn't it be great if we could at least have the light all year round? I could do without cold and I think I'd be fine. A little, fall-like chill every once and a while would satisfy the need for refreshing air and good sleeping weather.

Anyway, you get the idea. And when I expressed the above sentiment to the family about loving summer Michael said, "But mom, you are working" - as if I didn't get summer.

He's right to some extent. I don't get summer like they do. When school ends, you have this expanse of summer days and endless possibilities sweeping before you like an everlasting dream. But the season is still here and I am not dead yet. Plus I have a couple weeks vacation coming at the beach.

Also, I discovered something. You can go on a mini-vacation after work. I left work one day at 4 p.m. and took the boys to the beach. We stayed for only an hour or so but it was glorious. It was one of those 92 degree days and a good ten degrees cooler at the beach. The temperature was perfect - although it felt cool when we first walked up to the beach from the parking lot. The water was so refreshing. I felt very present enjoying that hour and very blessed to live in this gorgeous state.

I thought to myself, "Could anything make this more perfect - a beer for example?" No, the sun was just the right angle, the warmth on my skin was soothing. PERFECT.

In an aside, I was worried this morning because I lost my blog notebook with all my wonderful ideas I jot down. It's always in my purse and it is missing. Perhaps I left it at work. I'm pretty sure I did. Still, I felt a real loss. If all those humorous ideas are gone, there will be others but those are surely lost because I can't remember. Unrelated thoughts will be an addendum when I find that notebook. Until then, enjoy the most glorious season of all - summer!

UNRELATED THOUGHTS

• When a pack of women walked by me in the graveyard and admired Buster, one of them said, "Pollen?" in regard to the brownish, yellowish smudge on his back. "No, he rolled in something," I called and they recoiled in minor horror. Later I found out it was poop, pure and simple.
• Have an older friend who calls you kiddo. It won't bother you so much when you're in your 40s or older.
• Seen on Honey Dew Donuts sign: Peach Muffins Yahoo
• Boredom stifles creativity.
• I asked Michael, "What are you doing today?" Response: "Mom, it's raining." Duh
• Is it a coincidence that sun rhymes with fun and rain rhymes with pain?
• "Mom, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Michael said this one morning - referring to me making him an egg sandwich. I thought it was funny so I did.
• When I asked Michael about my new painting he said (and I quote), "Mom, we're guys."
• Extreme coupon shopping - I watched a couple buy 35 rolls of paper towels and 50 bags of Cool Ranch Doritos. Why?
• Some of these cool summer mornings/nights I walk by houses literally with dollar bills pouring out their AC window units. Why?
• I told Daniel we had a dog once who only used the dog house once in his life - when he died. Daniel proceeded to tell me it was a "portal." Did any of my loyal readers use that word when you were 8?
• A radio show announced a free trip giveaway to Paris, France. Did they really need to say France? I suppose it could have been Paris, Texas.
• Daniel: "Mom, is your work fun?" "No, sitting in a chair all day is not fun." Daniel: "Hey that's what I do too in school." He then proceeded to tell me about how thinking about Matunuck and Maine helps get him through the school year. "Me too. Me too."
• Rule for living with teenagers: Speak only when spoken to.
• Aren't you glad I found my notebook so you could read all these incredible insights?

I wrote a poem today

To only look out, from these eyes
And not see myself grow old
The brown spots on my skin
That sprout growths

I long for the white marshmallow skin
I've seen in diners
Of rural, midwestern towns

Women whose flabby arms
Stayed in the shade
Their pale white faces belie the sun drenched damage

Oh, to only look out
And feel I am still a girl
Flawless

But I didn't know

Unrelated thoughts

• It occured to me that many days I feel like a typing monkey at work or a drone in a bee hive.


• Daniel wanted to be sick so he could use the computer, drink Gatorade and watch T.V. He got his wish and I told him I'd buy him Gatorade if he got what Matt had (5d fever, 2 d malaise). Day 6 was today!


• Now he wants to be well and didn't show me the thermometer saying "It's 98.6." When I made him take his temp. again he said, "Oh look it went up." He's ready to get back to school.


• There is something to be said for endurance. I made it 1 year at my job.


• Seen on the Honey Dew Donut sign : "Peach muffins are back." I didn't know peach muffins where such a big draw. In fact, I've never had a peach muffin.


• Daniel told me I had paint in my hair. I told him I thought it was gray hair. "Well, there's a lot of it, " he remarked. "I'm getting old ......" I remarked back. "Aren't you 43. . . . ?" he said. A few years short, but I'll take it.


• Bumper sticker: "Don't believe everything you think."


• "I've waited 56 years for this" said my mother in regard to moving/keeping all of her furniture from her 3,600 square foot house which sold for full price. This in itself is a minor miracle. A major miracle would be getting her to downsize.


• Beware of the coxsackie virus.

Songs from my new album

can be found on You Tube. Here are the links:

Big Boned Gal

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taABZxD4JwQ

Woman I Know

http://youtube/RsORs3huPxs

Daddy Daddy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INDgfCwBmgI

Country Road

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ar9b6Rdolgo

Does your furniture have a hold on you?

Have I written about this before? How women of a certain age have a penchant for wanting to hold onto all of their furniture. I am talking all of the good stuff they have accumulated throughout their lifetimes. Take my mother for example.She lives in a 3,700 square foot home and is seriously contemplating staying put 1,000 miles from family because she wants to keep ALL of her furniture. Say what? She expressed some such notion this way: I waited my whole life for this. . . Not me. I feel like I could move into one room easy. Downsize me to a monk’s cell and I could be happy. The simplification and the shedding of possessions would make me very light. Very light indeed.

Somy mother is contemplating staying ALONE where she is - in her dream home surrounded by her beautiful things that she has waited her whole life for.

But I’ve got my eye on a 1,100+ square foot little place for her less than a 10 minute walk from the house. This would be perfect and cozy for one but she worries about the lawn, snow etc. and wants a condo – even though she’s not in a condo now. She is obsessed with the pricey condos at Wakefield Meadows because, you guessed it, she can keep all of her furniture in the 2,200 square feet. The cozy cottage I’ve got my eye on has a nice brick fireplace and hardwoods, it’s one level, with a nice yard. I think there’s even a sunroom of sorts. Practical –yes. Dream home – no. And there are three boys within a ten minute walk or a three minute bike ride who can move her lawn and shovel her walk. Also, we can conveniently pick her up to drive her places rather than travelling across town to get her. Note: she will not be driving herself much longer.

This is not a furniture survey of one mind you. I have witnessed this recurring theme with two other older ladies. My poll of three has all living in houses far toobig for them. And in my mother-in-law’s case – she has two houses. One is for furniture and one is for living (I am not kidding).

This (waste) wouldn’t be an issue if multiple generations still lived together.

A friend said he had one word for my mother: IKEA.

I have one word for my friend: YES.

Things are just things but when you are in your 80s apparently not.

Unrelatedthoughts

• I think John Travolta probably did offer reverse massages to the masseurs.Supposedly lots of Hollywood stars are gay and pretend not to be. Who knew?
• I think the odds are high that I will be the one to find my boss (80) dead in his office. Confession: I periodically think about this when I see him cough or gasp for breath.
• How to get your teenage son to hate you more? Tell him you are taking him for a phone upgrade and detour to the barber for a haircut. Note: I have not actually done this.
• Poor Matt has had a high fever for 5 days – probably just the flu but blood work may tell a different tale. I told my boss if I get what he has I’ll be out all next week. I told Matt that this illness could kill an elderly person. . . .but I did not tell my boss this.

Lottery dreams

Like many of you, I have been fantasizing about the MegaMillions jackpot. In fact, I bought my first ever lottery tickets today. Two of the tickets were random combinations of numbers but for one I picked the numbers myself. As I read out the six numbers to the clerk, 201101 – another customer began laughing. Silly me. There are no zeros. I told the clerk I better fill out the card. So I did and picked 01 02 10 11 20 02. What I was trying to do was use some combination of these numbers: 201 1010 2011 as my father died at 2:01 p.m. on Oct. 10, 2011. The more I looked at the sequence the more I noticed a pattern and thought this might be my key to the abundance I desire – 2011 010 2011 does not seem like a random sequence to me. Perhaps it was a sign. (This is what boredom at work can lead to). Well, 01 02 10 11 20 02 was about as close as I could get to the death numbers and when I arrived at the counter with my card – again the customer was laughing at me. I almost said something about this being my first time but decided to ignore him. Ha, just wait until I win. Meanwhile, the clerk was very nice and asked me if I would like to keep the card. “Why?” I wondered. “In case you want to play it again,” he said. “No.” This was my one and only chance. All or nothing.

Daniel wants to go to Costa Rica if I win. I explained we will go to Costa Rica if I win but it’s pretty hard – something like one in 175 million. But that number is changing every second as 1,200 tickets are sold per minute. Matt chimed in from the other room and told me to be positive. Well I am very positive. So positive – these thoughts of abundance have had me smiling all day long. I feel adrenalin and endorphins surging through my body.

What would I do with a cool $300 million? I would do the same things I want to do now but don’t have the money for. Make sense?

-Stay in Matunuck all summer and/or buy a house there.

-Take annual trips with family – but first Costa Rica.

-Donate 10 percent to charity and set up a philanthropy (for the disadvantaged).

-Retire and manage my philanthropy/philanthropic pursuits.

-Fix up house - new walkway, new rug/or wood floor, convert garage to family room, build new garage, repave driveway, paint, new appliances including a gas stove (stainless) – you get the idea.

-Buy an investment property that would generate monthly income.

-Buy Doug a new car.

-Consider giving some money to family/friends/church.

-Play tennis three times a week.

They say money doesn't make you happy. Well I am already relatively happy so that's not an issue for me. And I'll have lots of time to blog about the hapiness effect of all this money when I win. Stay tuned.

The Golden Years

You can just see the head or hump of the camel.

When you are staying for a week in Florida in an over-55 complex, there are many rules to adhere to, especially if you have children who are under 16. Children are not allowed in the pools before 10 a.m. or between the hours of 2 to 4 p.m. Children under 14 are not allowed in the pool without supervision. There is no jumping, splashing, rough play in the pools. In fact, there is no nothing in the pools – there is a whole list. And the old people will glare at you when you walk in or when you reach your hand through the ‘security’ fence to undo the gate instead of swiping the pass card.

But if you are creative, you can find a way to have a little fun in an over-55 community. You can be like Daniel, and puff your swim shirt up like a Portuguese Man-o-War and float on your back by the old people – working hard to get a reaction. (I think he received a startled look or two.) Or you can secretly race the old lady swimming laps back and forth and again try to get a reaction. You can also imagine what it would be like to bomb off the side of the pool into a cadre of old people, complete with floatable noodles under their arms and dry hair, your giant cannonball cascading water all over and spoiling the serenity. Ahhhhh, this is the life. Except until your 16 you can’t use the pool tables either.

In an aside, our elderly neighbor told us about hoop snakes in Appalacia. These snakes nip onto their tails and roll down the hills. She told us this tale as if she found it completely believable.

Unrelated thoughts

I returned home and realized that our house sitter/my good friend had been staring at my bra all week, hanging prominently off the knob of my dresser. Sorry to spoil the view Nan.

After waking at 3:00 a.m. for our flight home, I was in near hysterics on the leg from Atlanta to Providence when I saw a woman in front of me stroking a large, wooden camel that rested in her lap. At first I thought this was a Chihuahua but it was too large. She put the camel away at one point but brought it out again for the landing.

Books to read: City of Thieves (must) and The Devil In the White City (not finished yet but awesome). These are both non-fiction but read like novels – the best of both worlds.

I can’t think of anything else that’s funny because that camel is overpowering.

The power of prayer

We were flying from Providence to North Carolina to see my mother and all was going according to plan. Daniel, 8, woke on his own before I had to wake him and once in Providence we caught the bus from the parking to the terminal no problem. We zipped through security and sat at our gate for a relaxing hour drinking tea, eating muffins, and reading the comics. And then the worrying began.

The man at the gate asked for volunteers to check their bags for free. I volunteered thinking I wouldn’t have to load my bag and Daniel’s bag into the overhead bins. It would be easier. Daniel was protesting. He didn’t want to do it. Daniel must have asked 10 times if our bags were going to arrive in New Bern – before, after, and during takeoff. “Yes, of course the bags will make it,” I replied knowing full well anything can happen.

Once we thought we were on our way, we proceeded to park on the runway for an hour due to heavy incoming traffic to Charlotte. Then the worrying began. We could easily miss our connection in Charlotte to New Bern and we would have NO bags. I wasn’t feeling hopeful about a later flight to New Bern as it is a very small airport and one flight a day was probably it.

“Are we going to make our connection?” Daniel asked over and over. “I don’t know. I don’t know.” Well into the flight, the captain came on and explained that connections to New Bern were doubtful. Now Daniel was very worried. He decided to pray. “Dear God, I pray we make our flight to New Bern and Meemaw’s today. Amen.”

I am not kidding, shortly thereafter the captain came on the intercom and said the New Bern flight had been delayed and we might just make our connection after all. We high fived each other from our adjoining seats.

Still, we were still quite late and we had no idea how long the delay was. So once in Charlotte, we sprinted the mile from A terminal to E terminal (a good mile) and were surprised when we arrived at our gate. They were not even boarding yet. A nearby passenger couldn’t help but notice our huffing and puffing and asked what our name was. When I told her “McGovern” she said “I think the attendant is looking for you.”

Turns out her seat and our seats 4 A, B were broken and that was the reason for the delay. We needed new seat assignments. Well, Daniel was convinced that prayer works and later that weekend he said he would pray for the Patriots to win their game. I said, “I don’t think God cares about a football game.” His reply: “I'm gonna try it.” Because you never know, you never know.

Unrelated thoughts

-It's time for new glasses when you think the dog has snow on his back and he is simply wet and what you are seeing is his white skin.

-It's time for new glasses when an OLD man in the graveyard is walking a dog you know. The next day you see the same dog with it's regular owner. "I saw your father walking your dog yesterday," I said by way of greeting. The woman said, "Oh that was my husband, he's a little gray." I still think he looked at least 70 while she could be in her 30s.

-When my boss, 80, told me an elderly man came up to him - I asked "What's elderly." He explained that he was all stooped over.

-I found an escaped darkling beetle in the hallway. This is Daniel's pet beetle.

-When the piano teacher calls he always says, "This is Dennis, the piano teacher."

-What do allergies, autism and hyperactivity have in common? They were not nearly as prevalent 30 years ago.

-Kids are so tuned into allergies these days that when Michael had friends over for breakfast Daniel said, "You should ask them if they have allergies." I told him I would just sprinkle peanuts in their pancakes." NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO