I Did It My Way

The signs on the house say: I Did It My Way and above the door: Believe, Dream, Wish. 

Also, note the two big brown bears. Goldylocks must be inside with the other one.

There is a log cabin that was recently built on Saugatucket Road. It replaced a little green Quonset Hut. Every time I drive by it makes me smile and laugh because there are two life size grizzly bears (not real) on the front porch, abutting the front door and there are big signs on the front of the house. “I Did It My Way” – you certainly did. And “Dream, Believe, Receive” – I’m not sure about this last one but when I go by to get the photo, I will let you know what it says for sure. It’s not as big as the “I Did It My Way” and not easily read while driving by.  I promise to get you that photo. Think of it this way – it will be something to look forward to. I have the camera in the car and my new iPhone too. That photo will be sure bet and a thing of beauty.

Unrelated thoughts

• At church they often (each week) refer to the “golden rod sheet” of announcements located in the pew. I find this frickin’ hilarious and even Matt, 14, said the other day “Why don’t they just say yellow?” My response: “Exactly!”
• “If I win the lottery, I won’t go to work on Monday,” I said to Daniel. “But you’ll work again,” he responded. “No, why would I work if I have all the money I need?” I said. “To get more money. It’s kind of obvious,” he said.
• “Why are there so many Americans on the edge of the fiscal cliff?” asked Daniel while looking inauguration photos on the front page of the paper.
• I saw something in the paper about brushing teeth in the shower to save time . . . please tell me that society is not in that much of a rush. But lately I have been rushed in the parking lot where I work. I have pulled into my parking spot, opened my door, and there are people waiting to pull into the spot right next to me – and my door is impinging their parking. I hate this. Calm the fuck down. There is a whole parking lot out there.
• My mom is calling Kris’s dog Shiva – Simba. This was a dog we had 40 years ago. 
• “They will eat you alive without a plan,” the soccer coach explained in regard to coaching boys soccer and it’s true.
• Seen in the Post Office: Cell phone use in the lobby is prohibited. There are 20 minute plus lines in the P.O. and you can’t use your cell phone. Perhaps it interferes with the pilot’s controls.
• I don’t like listening to D. eat. I can hear him in the other room right now.
• I saved the day at Sunday School recently with my new iPhone. The question was how do we determine when Easter is. It’s based on the lunar calendar and I will surely have to look it up again to remember the specifics.
• There is actually a show called the Amish Mafia. Huh?
• A little girl was being a bit of a pain in the ass/brat in the line at Stop  & Shop. Her mother theorized that she’d had too much candy on account that it was Valentine’s Day. The girl noticed the Sports Illustrated swim suit issue and wanted to get it. The mother’s response, “Why would I pay to look at those, when I can look at my own for free?”
• GOD, DOG, GOOD, DOOG
• Daniel had a trick up his sleeve in church the other day. I went up front to give the children’s sermon and when I came back to the pew there were his pants. He was long gone to Sunday School in shorts.
• Blinds and Designs truck drove by me on the highway. On the back of the van, it said: Caution Blind Man Driving.
• In reference to my song Living In Paradise – Don’t wanna go to Mexico, na na na Bahama, ah ah ah (this is the sound you make when you tell a dog no in monosyllables – not sure how to spell it) Jamaica, there’s only one Bermuda – Daniel said as we were listening to it “Hey you are describing Bermuda.” And then he thought a minute and said “Bahamas wouldn’t be bad.” And then later, “But you did mention some nice places.” After this winter, take me anywhere ..........................

Mrs. P's Pickled Peppers

These are the pickled peppers Daniel dreamed about.

Daniel and I were watching television and there was a segment of flashback on NCIS. "When life flashes before your eyes, does it go forward or backwards," he asked. Well I don't know that it really does happen but I think backwards because how would you know what hasn't happened, I replied.
He explained very thoughtfully that sometimes he has dreams that come true. In other words, he knows the future. See this fine example of the pickled peppers above. When they decided on a team name for his classroom (it was a vegetable theme), they chose Mrs. P's (name withheld to protect the innocent) Pickled Peppers for the class Jog-a-thon. Daniel knew she would pick out this fake pepper icon above from the Internet. He just knew.  He also told me he has had lots of other dreams of the future that have come true but this was the one example that came to mind.

Einstein said we think time is linear but that is just our perception. We just don't know. So the next time life flashes before your eyes, which way will you go? Forward, backward, or somewhere else altogether? You decide.

Unrelated thoughts

-I don't think men in clogs is a good look, at least in the U.S.

-Though everything is Nan's fault, including this 'hurricane' it turns out mom does not have a hernia at all but perhaps something else as indicated by a scan of her colon. A colonoscopy is next.

-Storms rarely live up to the hype in my experience. No school today. No work today. This will surely be the case tomorrow. But will Sandy pack a punch? Time will tell.

It's All Nan's Fault

Everything is Nan’s fault. Nan has been my 82 year old mother’s helper for five months now. And my mother still doesn’t know where all her clothes are after her move to Rhode Island. “I know I packed them,” she says. “But Nan probably did something with them. And Nan doesn’t know anything about clothes.” What I think she means by this is Nan doesn’t hang the outfits that go together – together. Who knows, but to give Nan a bit of a break here, my mother has clothes spilling out from every closet and giant totes in every room of the house.

She misses her old helper Sabra. “She liked what I like,” she says by way of explanation. When I ask what she likes, she replies “Clothes, shoes, makeup.” That doesn’t sound like Nan to me nor does it sound like me to me. I take her out to eat – because everyone I know likes to eat.

Mom used to be into cooking but she doesn’t do much of that anymore. She even blames her lack of meals on Nan. Apparently when Nan ran into the Stop & Shop last time, she only bought her one Healthy Choice meal. As a result, she has been eating yogurt for dinner all week. I suggested she needs to ask for specifically what she wants. Par example, “I need five Healthy Choice dinners for the week.”  Hey we all need a scapegoat and hers is Nan.

I did ask Mom if she enjoys Nan’s company and she said, “Yes, she is very nice.” She also said something about how Nan was a hippie.

So they are very different. I think in a perfect world mom would find another Sabra – someone more like herself. This could be the job description:

Helper needed for elderly woman who likes clothes, shoes, and makeup. If you are into cooking gourmet meals, even better. Duties include: occasional cleanup, running errands, going shopping for clothes, shoes, makeup and oh food. Need vivacious, cheerful companion who is a girly girl. And don’t tail after elderly woman in the grocery store. She likes her space.

I reminded her: There is only one Sabra.

Nan took mom down to TJ Max on her birthday. She told me she shopped in TJ Max for two hours and told Nan to skedaddle. I guess Nan did and when I arrived to pick her up for her birthday dinner she reminded me of Minnie Pearl in her new sweater with the price tag ($12.99) prominently hanging off her garment. It is amazing that my mother can walk around shopping for two hours but cannot walk 100 yards for any other reason. Only shopping for food and clothing seems to motivate her.

She needs a little motivation at 82. We just celebrated her birthday and she can’t believe she is that old. When she looks in the mirror she finds it completely depressing/distressing. Ah, yes beauty fades so we must rely on other things like clothes, shoes, makeup. . .Oh and more thing -  it’s all Nan’s fault.  

Unrelated thoughts

• I was talking with Michael about school pictures and explained “It’s hard to smile on command.” He agreed and noted to really smile “you need to smile with your eyes.” So wise. 
• Food for thought: Have you ever hated something you were really good at?
• Can I blame my problems on Nan?

Rosa Penis

In another age, my mother probably would have been a computer engineer. She is the only one I know, period, who can program her DVR like its slicing room temperature butter. Before the DVR, she was a wiz at recording programs when no one I knew could figure out the goddamned  VCR.  She is amazing. Doug says it’s because it’s important to her. But if you know anyone who is 82 and can figure this out, you let me know.  This is a minor miracle and goes in the who’d a thunk it category.

 

She certainly wasn’t technical in my eyes growing up, although gourmet cooking and sewing do take some technical skills. She always seemed to know exactly how many yards of fabric to buy per window for curtains. He mathematical / geometry skills are apparently in there still.

 

We don’t even have a DVR but when we get one I can call Mom for technical assistance.

 

In addition to her DVR prowess, my mother has become very adept at butchering names. She now calls Trader Joe’s, Trader Vic’s. She’s not sure why. She calls her new favorite restaurant Chinchilla’s but it’s actually named Cucina Twist. When I ask her why someone would name a restaurant after a rodent, she isn’t fazed. It’s all perfectly logical.  She calls her helper’s new grandson RO RO – that’s what I’m calling him, she says by way of explanation. His name is Rowan, I think. She also started calling her sister’s dog Rosa, Rosapina. 

 

Oh this brought up a funny story. You see when I was all of 12; my mother had a cleaning woman named Rosapina. She lived next door with a Peruvian family, the Chang’s, as their housekeeper. Well, I thought her name was hilarious and started calling her Rosa Penis. One of the Chang boys must have told her I was calling her this and she refused to come to work for my mother. Somehow, in time, my mother smoothed this over and I remember well the earful I got from my mother. At the time, this wasn’t funny at all. Looking back, its frickin’ hilarious. And that name has resurfaced as the incorrect name of my aunt’s dog.

 

Rosa Penis. Say it out loud. It will make you smile.

Eulogy for DAD

I remember when Etta died, Win said something about “good and bad and she was more good than bad.” My dad too was good and bad. I remember Liza said once “He was from the wrong generation.” Probably true, but there were things that were right about him.

Those of us that follow, inherited many of his traits – good and bad, right and wrong. Some of us have his physical traits, some of us have his mental acuity, some of us have his sense of humor, some of us have his physical quickness, some of us display his extreme frugality, most of us share his love of dogs. There may even be a couple of chess players among us.

There are many things I learned from my dad and it was more from observation. He didn’t necessarily teach you things. He told you how to do things. And many things came easy to him – athletics, academics (though he said he wasn’t a great student), music, writing . . . . he had a lot of talent.

Here are some of my observations and things I learned from my Dad:

• · Drive slow and always drive in the right hand lane on the highway (no compromises on this one).
• 
  
• ex. Passed by a teenager on Gary Rd. Didn’t tailgate while learning to drive on Falls Rd.

• · If you drink your coffee black and someone asks how you take your coffee say “Black like my heart.”
• · Learn the word perspicacious and use it often.

ex. Spent months trying to get a two year old Michael to say this word and I think he succeeded.

• · Find a good dog to love and to love you. It’s the only love money can buy.
• · Help your neighbors. He helped a divorced woman who lived across the street with legal advice and helped her install a fence in her yard. He helped another neighbor lift an I-beam for an addition to his house.
• · Family takes care of family – ‘nough said.
• · Don’t spend money if you don’t have to. He couldn’t enjoy going out to dinner even if someone else was paying because ‘they were spending money.’ Some of these traits carry thru when I hear myself say ‘Guys, we could buy a couple gallons of ice cream for what we’ll pay to go out for ice cream at Brickley’s.’ ‘Guys we could go buy some nice rolls, turkey, chips soda and eat all week instead of going out to Subway.’
• · If you buy your clothes at LL Bean, you call them your ‘haberdashery.’
• · Cars can be a topic of conversation. I heard ‘How’s the car?’ many times throughout my college career.
• · Have a lifelong best friend or two if you can.
• · If you mother has a friend who is the aunt of the President, call your mother the ‘First Friend'

His life in a box

While my mother got rid of my dad’s clothing, she saved his personal effects from his dresser and put them in a box for me to look through. It occurred to me that to some extent this was his life in a box. Much of what I sorted through defined who he was as a person.

Politics

Quote re: JFK by his father saying he just wanted to buy a victory not a landslide.

Value

There was his #12 gold filling.

Detailed descriptions of two watches he was given/inherited

Family/Sentimental

There was his hat from one summer working on the El Paso Natural Gas Co. pipeline.

Mrs. Ralph Holman Howard - engraved stamp

MBH - stamp

Photo of his brother Jim

Photo of his father

A postcard with the grave marked, address, birth date of his mother’s brother

in an American Cemetery in France – James Lee Hawkins Jr. 11-16-91 to 10-16-18

For Jeb – to be opened at my death (a touching note from his mother)

Frugality

At least three cheap, plastic, electronic watches/timers

Newport bridge tokens

Practical

There were miscellaneous keys to miscellaneous properties.

Key chains

Ancient container of spot cleaner

3 shoe horns

Flashlight

Map of D.C.

Toothpicks –hotel

Measuring tape

Screws – 4

There was a collection of outdated LL Bean coupons.

Plugs – 2

Secret, magnetic key container

Mending kits from Simsbury Inn and Horizons in Bermuda

Buttons

Paper weight – 1^st locomotive on Southern Railway System

Dogs

A very sentimental description of the life of a dog – brought home as a frisky pup, loyal friend, all the way to the dog’s demise

Leash clasp

Suki’s 3 dog collars

Spotted dog w/horseshoe - chain

Schooling

UVA law school pin

Yale bulldog

Armed Forces Qualifying test – he got a perfect score

Whimsical

Red feather from Tyrolean felt hat

An ancient condom – Dixie Deluxe

Cartoon matador figure

Game w/ die, 4 game pieces, game board

CA

Geode

Book of poems from Pear Blossom, CA

Spiritual

9 small Bibles – Jehovah’s Witness?

I was looking for a small memento to remember him by – did not find the abalone shell he had on his dresser for many years (though Sabra did later). I did not find his arrowhead collection from his early days in CA desert.

But among his belongings, was a birthday book with many of your birthdays, complete with birth year: Some of his favorite people had the birthdays of famous people listed next to theirs. Brother Jim/Al Capone/Muhammed Ali shared same birthday. Patsy/Rita Hayworth. Byron/Winston Churchill/Mark Twain, Pierce/Abe Lincoln, Charles Darwin, Jeb/Bob Newhart, Jesse James, Raquel Welch

Some of you may not share a birthday w/ someone famous . . . . but many/most of you are in that birthday book in his own handwriting.

B. Hanson, Suki, P. Lahti, M. Getches, Mioko, Bill Hansen, Nonnie, Daniel, Patsy, Christie G. Gordon McGovern, Art Dix, Mike Bontecou, Jaime, Martha, Galen, Byron, Betsey, Megan Howard, Bob Knowles, Holly Bontecou, Kris, Judy, Barbara Champlin, Margaret, Norman, his brother Jim, Georgia, Gene Santos, Bruce, Lucius, PNH/JH ’55, Doug, Pierce, Abe Lincoln, Charm, Meemaw, Pam Bazaar, Matt, Win, Richmond, Michael, Onnie, Bob G. Dana, Katin, Andrew, Cindy, Etta, Emerson, Sam, Rhys, Joe Hyde, Carolyn G. Dave G. Michael Stone, Caren G., Pam G., Colin/Matt, Debbie, Mary, his father, himself.

That is really his legacy to us – the people here in Matunuck he introduced us to.

Know he cared about the people in Matunuck deeply. This was one of his favorite places in the whole world and he passed that on to his family. We are so happy he did. And he had a very sweet sentimental side that most people didn’t see. He kept that boxed up.

Driving Lessons

There are signs Mom should not be driving. She hasn’t been doing it for one. She has her keys and simply chooses not to. Her helper said, “I think she knows.”

Other signs include backing into a man with a motorized grocery cart in the Stop & Shop. A car is a lot bigger than a motorized cart.

She told me she used the car one day, not that she could have kept it from me, because her wheel was up on the ‘curb’ of the driveway.

Today, she had a doctor’s appointment at 3:30 p.m. and she was wondering what she would do if she was in a panic and got lost. You see she doesn’t remember the roads and routes here anymore even though she lived here for 15 years. She explained her longterm memory is intact but not the shortterm. So some old routes she used to take she remembers – sort of. Well I gave her my cell number in case she got herself in a panic but there has been no call. I can only assume she made it to the doctor’s and will make it home.

I did give her a driving test the other day. As we drove to the grocery store, it was apparent that turning from a full stop was not her forte. I said a couple times, you need to pull way up so you can see. I got the impression she would just take her chances and pull out if I wasn’t there in the car. On the straight aways she was better but missed a turn or two – she blamed me for talking and distracting her. Her parking also had me worried though I am not typically a passenger and am a little skittish - it sure seemed like she came awfully close to clipping the car next to hers.

It’s role reversal. I remember clearly how she wouldn’t let me drive home after I got my driver’s license. I remember clearly how she used to pump the ‘air brake’ when I was learning how to drive. And her outstretched arms bracing themselves on the dashboard stay with me still.

My 80 year old boss thinks she should keep driving. Think of it like a big golf cart, he said. She needs some independence. Hmmmm. We’ll see. First fender bender and she’s out of the driver’s seat for good. As for me, I’ll stick to the driver’s seat with her if we have to go somewhere. Even if it’s a golf cart ride away.

I tell you what though, I was impressed how she hustled right around the grocery store on foot no problem. Food can be a great motivator. And when I asked her if she could push the cart out into the parking lot she got very insulted, “I’m not dead yet.”

Unrelated thoughts

• I found a new job. It's a sinecure: an office requiring little or no work, especially one yielding profitable returns.
• My co-worker says mom needs a boyfriend. "There's a cup for every saucer."
• Sometimes something has gotta give in our busy lives. In my case, it's the garden. I promise some day I will have a garden with nary a weed and gorgeous, brown earth between the rows.

Gay Paris

Well, I have been in Paris all week for a meeting for work. There have been some fun times and there have been some lonely times. Primarily, I do not like eating dinner alone. But all in all, this is a nice residential neighborhood where most people do not speak English. I personally think that is very cool - though with my limited French I cannot have conversations with anyone except the clerks at the hotel.

I have a few mishaps - was going the wrong way on the subway the other day and got caught in a wicked downpour also. As I jogged thru the streets of Montparnesse in my see thru white shirt - I acutally got very lost. Someone directed me in the approximate direction but I was so turned around and had no map or money with me. Lesson: bring money and a map when venturing out in strange cities, especially where you don't speak the language well. Eventually, after one hour, I found Rue Suffren. So I did get my exercise that day. And I can tell you when I go out walking I am the only person wearing running shoes in the whole city.

When I went out for dinner tonight I put my flats and my blazer on to be more chic. The French dress. Women are walking around the subways in four inch heels.

Obsevations of French Life:

Everyone is rushing around the city at full speed but then they'll stop for an hour to have coffee at a cafe.

There is great people watching here especially watching older ladies riding bicycles.

French people are thin and I mean thin. They look positively scrawny compared to Americans.

The American accent stands out as flat and awful after hearing musical French all week.

Making yourself understood is very important and that's hard if you don't speak the language well so sometimes you get what you get when you order in a restaurant par example.

Smoking is alive and well and wafting all over Paris.

One of the meeting participants who divulged to me he is an alcoholic advised me to treat myself well. Oui, je sais. He was speaking in regard to my new role as 'caregiver' to my mother.