The Old and Young

After whining about the weather (more snow), I talked about attitude and took a vote. "Is this glass half full or half empty?" I chided those who did not vote at all. One boy said he voted twice. "You may have a career in politics," I heard myself say into the microphone to congregational laughter. This attitude discussion seguayed into a mid-life crisis discussion by way of - when people reach a certain age and think their glass is half empty. "What is a mid-life crisis anyway?" Kids say the darndest things. "It's when people are old and depressed." Yes, yes. Now these apostles were too young for that but what if they had a mini-life crisis and were a little grumpy - what could they do? Dance. Play Wi. Read. Watch a funny movie. Talk to someone. Think happy thoughts. Pray - we were in church afterall. All very good suggestions to pull us out of a mood. Now God help us to see our glass as half full because an attitude of gratitude does make a difference.

Unrelated thoughts(the best kind)

• When Matt asked how to write a cursive J it came to light that Matt signs his initials 'MJM' because otherwise "It just looks like alot of squiggling lines."
• "What is that thumping?" asked Daniel in a good immitation of me, as I apparently thumped my foot on the floor while playing my guitar.
• When Daniel asked me my favorite animal and I said dog, then cat - he said, "No, no not something that's a pet." "Mom's favorite animal is a blue footed boody" he repeated around the house after I gave a non-pet answer.
• Daniel's favorite joke these days is "Spell icup." I think my reply is equally funny - "E-Y-E-C-U-P." But he doesn't get it because I don't think he knows how to spell eye.
• A couple things I've done lately outside my comfort zone - give the Children's Sermon at church (to rave reviews - see excerpt above), skiing downhill on intermediate slopes in single digit weather. It's all kind of exhilarating and seemed to feed some joy. Next up, I shall try painting a wave with other wine drinking ladies at a friend's painting studio. I don't think I've painted since kindergarten. And that was with my fingers.

Things happen for a reason

If things happen for a reason, then why did I lose my job? I guess I am meant to do something else or do nothing at all. Here are a couple comments I received after losing my job:

• Give yourself a royal break. Do unemployment for as long as you can. Follow your bliss! Make more amazing music.
• You are going to be fine. I think life is giving you a gift.

Now I have learned to be grateful to the gifts from the universe so I will take on this new challenge with a grateful heart. (It's not always been easy for me to receive gifts.)

And speaking of hearts, three of us got the same fortune in our fortune cookies the other day : "Great thoughts come from the heart."

"It's a sign," I said. "I've gotta write this down."

Michael thought I was clearly crazy and said matter of factly, "It's because they mass produce them.

Great thoughts, why not?

A colleague, who will likely have some work for me, seemed like she would be freaking out without health insurance but I've looked into catastrophic and it's not so bad - $450-650 per month for the family and it includes basic check ups, prescriptions etc. Not really much more than I'm paying now.

But back to the concept of things happening for a reason - I think you can find a reason - but when really bad things happen is there a reason? Is there a reason for one of my sister's mental anguish? I simply think no.

And why did Matt leave/lose his snow board on our first day skiing in Vermont? To irritate us all? To help him remember things in the future. To realize the value of a dollar when the ski shop charged him $175 for the lost/stolen board?

As we drove up Route 30 to the Bromley Ski area from Brattleboro, Daniel said, "I have a bad feeling I left my skis." "Look in the back," I suggested. Matt told him they were there but quickly realized his snowboard was not. It was a very bad moment. A very bad moment, indeed.

At the ski area, we were surrounded what I will call 'beautiful people.' Families with wealth, looks, and regal bearing. Note: I don't necessarily put us in that category. There were also no fat people at the ski area. I guess fat and skiing don't jive.

On one ride to and fro the ski area (we went 2 days) Daniel (who is always asking what my favorite such and such is) asked me what my favorite word was. "Serendipity." The funny thing is no one asked me what it meant. That stopped the conversation cold.

Serendipity. Perhaps when we say things happen for a reason - we discover new talents, new ideas, and new ways to pass time. New ways to persevere.

I still can't find a reason why Matt lost/left his snowboard at the little town hill in Brattleboro.

But perhaps my readers can enlighten me.

My layoff is imminent

"Your money is running out. I'm going to have to dump you after march. The music stopped and you don't have a chair." So said my boss and so said my layoff is immiment. Now I don't want to bum anybody out, but I like this job. And yes, I knew that it was temporary - fueled by stimulus dollars. But I did a good job, a damned good job and I am feeling sorry for myself today. So I figured writing about it may help me sort things out. What can I do now?

• Create the garden of my dreams. The kind of garden where nary a week grows and little old men are seen scratching the dirt to prevent any stray seeds from sprouting.
• Volunteer to be a chaperone for Michael's trip to D.C. in May. He would love this.
• Write a damn good novel.
• Finish a damn good album #2.
• Give myself a royal break for a year, or however long unemployment lasts with no goals and no expectations. Like a sabbatical without the pressure of accomplishment.
• Get megafit - walk, swim, bike daily.
• Spend the summer with the boys going to the beach each day.
• Help get my parents situation sorted out OR not.
• Complete household projects like painting the heating baseboards or sanding that little patch of wall filled with spackle and painting it over.
• Train at the food pantry and become a regular volunteer.
• Follow my bliss.
• Look casually for other jobs. There's not much out there and I don't want to sound like a deadbeat but I really don't want to get locked into a regular 9-5 job with 2 weeks of vacation. I would rather pick up a few projects - one potential contract w/ DOH comes to mind for $30K/year. I have a couple other ideas. String a couple of these together and I would have a nice salary without being boxed in.

• I think the best answer is to do things that bring me joy. Some of the things on this list don't feel like joy but chores. Joy. Joy. Joy. That sounds like the best idea.

Celebrating Valentine's Day, or not . . . .

When Daniel saw this envelope just like this, he said "Why red?"

When I got together with my musician friends the other night I reminded them "don't be stupid" in regard to Valentine's Day. These men were discussing the commercial nature of the day and contemplating dropping the holiday altogether.

Kudos, I guess, to the couples that avoid the commercial pressure and skip celebrating Valentine's Day altogether. One colleague said, "It's Valentine's day here, every day" referring to her household. They don't celebrate.

Another acquaintance makes a habit of celebrating two days later.

I do know it has become a commercial conundrum akin to Mother's Day (originally called Merchant's Day) and Father's Day but how can you not cave into the pressure to tell someone you love them? It doesn't mean you have to buy stuff or spend a lot. Saying you love someone is a good thing - assuming it's true. A good thing. We all need people who love us, even for a day.

I bought Doug some chocolates but a chocolate craving on Sunday had me digging into one bar of dark chocolate - so I gave him two-thirds of the bar a day early before I consumed it entirely. Once he had eaten that and was rummaging around like old Mother Hubbard for more dessert - I came through with the chocolate orange - present #2 - fully intact, I might add.

"I wouldn't eat both your Valentine's Day presents, I explained. Planning ahead can be dangerous when it comes to chocolate, so I was lucky.

I suppose if you and your significant other both agree not to celebrate Valentine's Day, it's O.K., it's fine but I found myself pining a little for a nice bouquet of flowers that night - a day or so after I ate Doug's chocolates.

Unrelated thoughts

-"I wish my girl was this dirty" - seen on a dirty white pick-up at URI.

-Speaking of vehicles, I miss real bumpers.

-Sorry but I don't think men in clogs is a good look.

-Booze cakes - headline in the food section. No thanks.

-From Daniel, the source of most of my inspiration in my socially deprived world. "There are three people in my class who are the best people. One is me and the other are girls . . . Elizabeth and Catherine." Why I wondered. "They can read really well."

-In the blessing in disguise department, my parents have priced themselves right out of a nursing home in RI.

Don't be a burden

These pants along with a full basket of laundry

were lost to a tube of oil paint in the drier. How

the heck do you spell dryer anyway?

Now I know this column is called Musings which conjurs up thoughts or amusement and believe me I usually try to keep it light. But, there is nothing amusing about my elderly parents at the moment. Dad is ready for the home and they really can't afford it. Mom is clueless and is thinking she's going to live in a fancy, fancy world without him. Meanwhile the piles of junk mail and piles of clothes in her bedroom may swallow her up altogether. READERS: Please do not move away from your family when you are 75!

I have been praying for a solution and guidance and have only come up with one clear answer. Do nothing. Because they are virtually trapped in their existance and cannot sell the two properties they bought in NC. Perhaps my mother can get him in a nursing home down there and continue to live in the house for a couple of years . . . . Perhaps the solutions will simply unfold. Doubtful, but you never know.

Unrelated thoughts

• While watching a Raiders of the Lost Ark movie last week, Daniel said "This is my favorite singer." It was Elvis singing "You Ain't Nothin' But a Hounddog." That boy's got good taste, I must say.

• In the one in a million department, Doug accidently knocked a tube of unopened turquoise oil paint into my laundry basket of wet clothes. In the course of the drying cycle, all clothes were covered with blotches of turquoise paint. Note: some of the darker clothes are salvagable but I did lose my favorite pants etc.

• Who bathes and washes themselves clean and then puts on the same dirty clothes again? I can think of two boys I know - who are trying to break the habit with my help.

Mid-life Crisis

I believe I was having a true mid-life crisis the other day. I was worrying I might lose my job and this led to me thinking about how I haven't fulfilled my potential. In fact when you look up mid-life crisis on Wikipedia or Google it says just that - something about unfulfilled potential. Men get younger girlfriends and red sports cars. Women take yoga.

Seriously, the crisis led me to realize that I want to achieve something BIG and wish I had aimed higher - a doctor, a lawyer or that I'd developed my own business.

Now I know the trick is to be happy where you are and this is just my ego talking. And I know there is still time. And I know this empty feeling may not go away until I do something great or quiet it with extreme meditation. But I actually think I'd rather do something great. Fifteen minutes of fame is better than no fame at all. . .

Other solutions to disappointment could be: help the less fortunate, talk to friends, change the attitude . . . .

In the last couple weeks this crisis has faded somewhat - not due to anything I've done but due to the fact I have kept my job. You see even though I wish I had aimed higher - this job suits me, my talents, and my lifestyle. I don't want to lose it.

Unrelated thoughts

• This was a note posted near my mother's oven: "Turn oven off when finished cooking." There's nothing like stating the obvious.
• In the extreme patience department (when helping my father who has Parkinson's disease) my thoughts fluctuated between thinking my father has actually become kinder with a debilitating disease to 'let the asshole crumble up and die.' Note: I didn't reveal my thoughts to him.
• Read "Unbroken" by Laura Hillenbrand. It's compelling and makes you realize how lucky we are - even someone with Parkinson's.
  

The Land of Missing Socks

My new sock hopper/garment washer!

Now I know I have written about this before but the sock problem in this house is not going away. You see with three boys and one man, the socks all seem to blend together and get lost. At one point I was going to assign everyone a different color sock but Doug thought he might like a little variety. At another point I had a eureka moment where everyone would simply do their own laundry. This was a good theory and two of the boys do indeed wash their own laundry but there was a possibility I hadn't considered.

The boys don't put their socks in their laundry baskets! They are strewn around the house and often end up in a little pile by the basement door. This doorway leads to the washing apparatus and so that theory has gone right out the window.

Now you may be asking yourself why this is any kind of problem and the answer is because I never get my socks back. I have bought nice $12 tennis socks and am left with only one of the pair. I have also bought nice $12 tennis socks and don't have either one. They are probably in someone else's drawer. And I am sure the same is true for every other household member - we are left with incomplete pairs of socks or no socks at all. It's all very sad.

During another eureka moment, I started buying socks in 'girl' colors and this method isn't half bad. But I think I might have a better solution (see photo at the top).

My mother-in-law bought me this contraption for washing delicate garments but I have decided to use it for my favorite socks. This way they cannot get lost - in the washer. (The dryer may be another matter). All I am saying is that it would be nice to keep/wear a pair of socks for more than a couple of weeks. I'll let you know how this sock washer works out.

Unrelated thoughts

• I don't appreciate it when people say "Been there. Done that." Is that dismissive or what? I vow to never say that phrase.
• At a mini-college reunion over New Years Eve one friend called our lot "underachievers." I agreed but look what all those underachievers have become. One has a painting business, a couple are teachers, one has a succe$$ful mortgage business and another has a high level government job. Not bad. And by the way, I did not have bland friends. These people are characters of the best kind - smart, quirky, witty, and they like to have a good time.

Next time: My Mid-life crisis re-visited. Can you stand the suspense?