It was the best of times, it was the worse of times

The day Daniel wore this wig to school for Crazy Hair Day

he declared: "This is the best day of my life." Later that

afternoon the day became "the worst day of my life" due to

par for the course squabbling with his brother.

Other Danielisms:

• When I said "It's 47 degrees, a little cool." Daniel said, "I don't care. I'm a man." A man indeed.
• Vocabulary questions from Daniel who is 7! "What is pedestrian?," "What does altruistic mean?," and "What does empathetic mean?" These were asked in rapid fire fashion while walking into his swim lesson. I tell Doug they are all smarter than we were but came to find out Doug used to get straight As before he became interested in other things. . .
• "Matt, you entertain yourself for a minute," Daniel said in the nicest way possible while involved in an activity with his brother Matthew.
• "My feet feel so good after a good night's sleep."
• "I tell people I'm Wilfork," said Daniel while puffing out his stomach. Vince Wilfork is the sumo wrestler substitute who plays on the line for the Patriots.
• "How come I'm the only one who doesn't have a cell phone?" Daniel asked. "Because you're 7," I answer.
• "Where did he hear that?" wondered Doug and Michael in response to several of the quotations above.

Unrelated thoughts

-I don't know why but lately I've been noticing bad dye jobs. You know the type where the roots are growing out and the darker hair looks like someone poured furniture polish on that head.

-"Michael's room smells like a teenage boy." This was uttered by the woman who cleans our house. She must be smelling some mixture of hormones and B.O.

-In discussing liquid diets at my tennis group one woman declared, "I like food." I agreed and remarked, "Yes, I've been eating food my whole life."

Next time: I will recount a romantic dream I had.

Aging is growing in reverse

I had a conversation with my mother last night that went something like this:

'Aging is depressing. And you realize: I'll never play tennis again. I'll never play golf again. I look in the paper and see someone who just died at 82. Does that mean I might just have two more years left?'

"You might," I added helpfully.

She continued:

'I told Debbie (her sister) that I want to make it to 90.'

So she's not ready to go just yet. It's like she competing to make it to 90. I told her thoughts are powerful and if she wants to make it to 90 she probably will.

BUT, she is lonely and says so. The only people she sees on a regular basis are the helpers who come in and help my Dad. I guess he was recently floored by the $3,700 monthly bill for his helpers. That help don't come cheap but at least it's some company for Mom. She and her one friend Marilyn have been trying to have their birthday lunch for a few weeks now and there is still no date set.

What's the upshot? At age 80, she wants to leave a gorgeous house they moved into and away from us 5 years ago, to move back to be near us. Does any of this make sense? No.

The lesson: Don't move away from familyand friends to a strange place when you are 75 years old.

Unrelated thoughts

• With Daniel harassing me about voting for a neigghbor, asking me who I was voting for and objecting to my use of the handicapped booth - I forgot who I voted for in one instance, missed voting for a school committee member that I wanted to vote for, and I completely missed all the referenda questions on the back of the ballot. So much for the civics lesson - I ain't bringing him to the polls again.
• "I feel sorry for the moon because he has to work all day and doesn't get a rest." Daniel McGovern 10/20/10
• When I read an article in the paper suggesting limiting children to 3 pieces of candy per day - I read this outloud. Michael promptly reminded me "You don't have to believe everything you see in the paper."
• "Misery is optional" - uttered by a very wise friend.
• "You are not going to freak out on me" - uttered by a mother to a young girl in the dentist waiting room. Her reply: "No, I am just bored and tired."
• Some of the campaign slogans are hilarious. What would your slogan be if you only had 3-4 words? Because I care. Thinking ahead. I'm honest. Vote for me. Why not?
• Is it just me or are the greeters at Walmart annoying?
• "I just love the word Nevada." Daniel McGovern 10/30/10
• One morning Daniel told me I had something red on my PJs. Without even looking I immediately know what it is and deflect his comment with some hemming and hawing. As Daniel ponders and thinks, he says "I know, it is probably some candy." You see we've just had Halloween and given out bright red Twizlers but the truth is I was having my period . .
• This reminds me of a story a couple of years ago when I was taking into a public restroom on a trip. I was having my period then too. Even though I had explained to Daniel what the menstrual cycle was and why there was blood etc. he said in a very loud voice in this public restroom "Mom - what is that rash?"
• Interesting to note that few days after Halloween Michael offered up his candy to anyone who wanted it. When I suggested he limit himself to a couple pieces a day - he couldn't even do that. "I am sick of candy. Do you two want some?" This is a first in the history of my universe.

Cheap disposable shit

I had a moment today outside, where the sun felt so good on my face. A moment can undo a lot. It can undo and change the momentum of your day when things don’t always go your way. When you wish in your secret thoughts that bad luck would befall your enemies. When you criticize the accomplishments of others in your head. When your unrequited dreams are not fulfilled.

Yes things don’t always go your way or go as planned. A friend gave me a beautiful stack (5-6) of size 8 Husky jeans, with elastic waists and Daniel refuses to wear them. ‘I don’t like jeans,’ he said. If they were my size, I would wear them in a minute. They look brand new.

And the new Patriot jacket I got him for his birthday – the zipper is broken already. Cheap China shit – although I haven’t actually checked the label for the country of origin. If I worked for NPR I’d have just gotten myself fired with the China remark.

And those gorgeous (debatable) stainless steel thermoses that I bought for the boys’ lunches. One is dented and the insert is already broken.

Cheap disposable shit. I spent good money on those thermoses but of course I don’t have the goddamn receipt. I love to get rid of things - but that doesn’t include products I pay good money for.

But that sunlight helped. I must go out again. And exercise helped. I jogged at least 2.5 miles. You see I am at 149.5 lbs and though that might not sound like much depending on your weight, it may also sound like much depending on your weight. The point is 150 is my absolute cut-off and I am on a gaining trend. Just so you know, 145 was my old cut off and it’s got to end somewhere. Ever since I went to Block Island (I am blaming you Nan), I gained 2 lbs. and it doesn’t seem to come off. Though I have never really dieted – I figure I have to do something to stave off the lbs. That something is jogging. I am better at jogging than I am at restricting my food/drink intake. Much better.

In fact, the only time I have ever lost weight is due to illness or lovesickness. Neither is in the cards right now so jogging it is. That and a little sunlight to feel good. Let the negativity in my innermost thoughts melt away with the low, autumn sun.

How do you see your world?

Do you see people as inherently good or evil? Do you believe in the goodness of humanity? Well I posed these questions to Michael and Matt on the way somewhere. They are captive in my car, captive to my questions and always fight for what they call 'shotgun.' And why is it called shotgun - was this where people driving solo placed their shotguns? Sounds logical. I guess you wouldn't place your shotgun in the back seat but I digress.

The question was this: "Do you believe kids are basically mean or nice." Well if you knew these boys you might guess their answers. Michael said, "Kids at the Discovery Camp were all brats." I guess this was his representative sampling of kids but I was looking at an even bigger picture. I was looking for their philosophies of life. Then Matt said without hestitation at all, he thought kids were basically nice.

Interesting too to note that Matt is one of the nicest kids on the planet and Michael is well . . . getting nicer as he matures. He just gave Daniel $10 for his birthday present. This was just astounding to me as Michael literally 'earns' about $5 per week. He gave away his babysitting money.

And this gesture makes me see and believe in the good in people.

Speaking of the good in people. A friend, 83, who died in August wrote this in his Christmas letter: "I had great parents." What a great thing. I unfortunately cannot say that - not even close but their were glimpses of goodness. For all their failings:

My mother (who grew up in a segregated society, with a black maid, and prejudiced against black people) invited Clarence, a black boy with corn rows, to my brother's birthday party probably 45+ years ago. She told me this like she was proud and other parents were surprised. Clarence was literally the only black child who lived near our neighborhood. And when I saw him at my brother's funeral he told me how good my parents were to him. I knew him as a young girl (my brother was 9 years older) and had no idea.

My dad (who also grew up in a segregated society, with a black maid, and prejudiced against most people) seemed truly touched to have gotten to know an amiable black man at a bar years ago. I don't think he had ever gotten to know a black person on a personal level and it surprised him. I think they even talked about deep topics like how it was for this man to be black.

My mother used to invite a homeless ex-neighbor over for Thanksgiving periodically. He lived out of his car. She even invited him to take a shower whenever he came to visit.

My dad told me once "I think you're just great."

My mother sat with me in the shade as I suffered from heat stroke at a track meet in 8th grade.

Unrelated thought

A quotation from Michael: "Being woken up by an alarm can make 9 hours of sleep feel like 6."

Is it a bomb?

The new stainless steel thermos and the offending hippie pouch.

The pouch is used for milk or lunch money.

When I brought these new thermoses home - under the guise of saving money - we are spending $7.50 per week on milk money - Michael said, "Mom, what are you trying to do to me?"

When I explained about saving money etc. I could see he wasn't buying it and tried, "Just tell them it's coffee. They think you're cool." Or "Tell them it's your crazy old mom."

I also tried the environmental angle - using a re-usable container etc.

"What I need is a water bottle," he explained. "Cause I just drink one little carton of milk each day."

"Well you have one." And I showed Michael how the thermos worked. "You can fill it up and bring it to class."

"I can't bring that around. They'll think it's a bomb," he said.

Between this new cannister and the 'hippie pouch' - pictured above, Michael thinks my mission in life is to embarrass him.

But you know what, when they came home from school (Matthew has one too), there wasn't much discussion. In fact, Matt said some of the kids thought it was cool. We may be starting a trend here. They are available at Benny's and Stop and Shop in case you want in.

Between you and me, these thermoses are not as great as I originally thought. For one they leak a little. And for two, they are too big for their lunch bags. But I don't think I can admit that - they were $10 each and I am determined to get my money's worth.

Things my mother told me

-"Never let a man up in your bedroom."

-"Don't pull at a loose thread."

-"Watch the scissor tips when you cut, so you'll cut straight."

-"What's the big deal about bagels, they're just bread."

-"I don't like Chinese food."

-"So take your shirt off - you don't have any boobs yet (when I complained of the Maryland heat as a fledgling adolescent)."

-"Wow, you're easy (when we picked out my prom dress in about 5 minutes)."

-"You kind of hit the inside of the tennis ball (to serve it up the middle)."

-"Why did you have a comb in your pocket?" (after I almost died in a sledding accident)

-"You were as good a player as Suzette Guffey. Bob Pass said so." (Suzette went onto a college tennis scholarship at UVA and dated the quarterback. She was beautiful and tall and slim. A gorgeous Steffi Graf).

-"I knew you could get down." (after I screamed for what seemed like an hour in a neighbor's willow tree - in need of some attention)

-"Men get re-married because they want someone to cook and clean for them." (when a friend's widowed father announced his pending nuptials)

Things other people said

- "Sometimes an apple is just an apple." (uttered by her co-workers when a friend was probably overanalyzing a situation)

-"Guess someone got killed here too." (as we waited at a LONG traffic light at URI. This was after explaining to Daniel that a woman had been killed at a light in Wakefield - hence it's extra long crossing times)

-"These college students are such a pain . . . "(Daniel said this at the same traffic light).

-"Mom I'm just a kid." (When I was sorting thru all the crap in his room wondering where it all came from).

Hurricane Patsy

Hurricane Earl may have fizzled out but

Hurricane Patsy sure blew into town.

She's almost 80 and my mother's visit made me realize she knows what she wants. She wants ESPN 2. She wants a more comfortable bed - if you look closely you can see the piece of foam that we borrowed sticking out from under the sheets. She wants corn. She wants lobster and swordfish. You get the idea. She wants what she wants and a lot of things are not good enough.

Overall we had a pleasant visit but overall I think it is more relaxing to visit her on her turf where she has everything she wants the way she wants.

One thing I noticed about her and it's probably true of most older people - they continue with their lifetime habits. In her case, she likes to eat healthy (at least most of the time). Now it had me wondering if I was theoretically closer to death, wouldn't I just eat/do whatever I wanted? Or is it simply too hard to undo a lifetime habit? Think about it - old age could really be a return to adolescent abandon. Could be just as fun with a few more aches and pains.

After waiting out a lightening storm one work day, I proceeded to survey the neighborhood in need of a new water system. At one house, I encountered a live-body - he turned out to the owner's plumber. In the course of chit-chat about the dramatic lightning storm (which I could see flashing right outside my car window), he explained to me he doesn't care. He has a sailboat with an aluminum mast and goes out in all kinds of weather - lightning or not. "When it's your time, it's your time."

It has been my habit not to risk my life in lightening storms and I don't know if that will change when I'm 80. So I guess I can understand my mother limiting her food intake or at least her intake of unhealthy items.

Unrelated thoughts

• As I worried about Daniel getting dropped off by a friend's mom and as I worried about Michael getting back on time to babysit (I called him several times at the library) - There was a possibility I hadn't considered. In my worry that Michael would be late, Michael would forget, or there would be some other complication - the possibility I hadn't considered was that I WOULD LOCK HIM/THEM OUT! And the secret key under the back deck had not been returned to its proper place. Meanwhile I was 1.5 hours away and instructed the boys to try to get in a window. Creatively, they pried off the screen with a spatula.
• It took me the longest time to realize that baby carrots are, well, not baby carrots at all but carrots shot through some kind of lathe device that cuts them down to sizes and shapes consumers like.
• While shopping at our local boutique market (it's more expensive but alot more pleasant), I realized there is a down side. "Paper or plastic?" "Do you want your meat in plastic?" "Do you want your milk in the bag or separate?" There were a few more questions I can't remember and I know the help was trying to be nice but what the fuck? Excuse me. But I don't need/want all these choices and thinking while I am paying for my groceries.
• Latest Daniel quotes: "Maine should be a one horse town." This came out of nowhere while driving through rural Maine. "I don't want to be in the major leagues." This was uttered after soccer practice where unbeknownst to us he was playing with the under 10 team when he isn't even 7 yet. Whoops! Who typed in the wrong year for his birth on the damn electronic sign up?