No LEG to Stand On

My sprained ankle (not broken) has slowed me right down.

You really can find a bright side in almost any situation. Now this ankle injury sucked outright and as I was literally falling on the pavement I had a couple thoughts:

1) Fuck

2) What the fuck was that

3) Shit

What it was was a small, golf-ball sized rock in the road that I did not see. Jogging can do that to you. My other two severely sprained ankles from 20 years ago came as a result of jogging. As I was jogging down the home stretch (after sitting all day I decided I wanted to get out and sweat), I was day dreaming thoughts about how jogging cannot be anonymous - everyone sees you. And then WHAM.

As a self-conscious person, I immediately looked around to see if anyone had seen my clumsy fall. And yes down the straightaway a car was coming and slowing down to see if I was O.K. No I was not O.K. but when the woman initially asked if I needed a ride I demurred and said something like "That's O.K., I live close by."

I actually think I was in a mild form of shock and due to my self-conscious nature I felt compelled to explain to this stranger about the rock in the road. I also quickly came to my senses and hopped over to her passenger door.

She drove me home and said "You never could have made this" and she was probably right but she doesn't know about the shortcut through Mr. Stedman's house and I didn't mention it.

Immediately upon entering the house, I went upstairs to get a couple of Advil and then downstairs to begin icing the ankle.

The next day, at Doug's prompting, I went to the doctor. He insisted I get an x-ray. So yes it was a very bad sprain but that's all.

And the sprain has cancelled my dog walks and any form of exercise. It has made me ask for more help from the three boys. It has evoked some nice sympathy from people. But mostly it has made me slow down. I am always rushing to fit things in that I deem important. I am always doing. The ankle mellowed me a little and made me literally put my feet up (with ice) and watch the news.

Unrelated thoughts

• It's started. I was officially ignored by my 5th grader at a school function. It's not cool to wave at Mom at Field Day or let her give you a hug at graduation. And yes it kind of hurt my feelings.
• Love is an emotion very close to hate at times.
• While sitting in the hospital waiting room, waiting for my x-ray results, I browsed the U.S. News and World Report magazine. There was only one problem. The article I wanted to browse had been ripped out - "Most promising careers for the new economy." A true sign of the times. If and when I need a new job, I wanted to know what was hot.
• Did I tell you how the squirrel or unidentified varmint went down Doug's newly planted corn row and removed each carefully placed seed? Now Doug has installed some elaborate chicken wire contraption over the row and I am wondering if that same wire will strangle the full grown corn stalks or will he remove it by then?

Words of Wisdom

Daniel and Mom in a new dress.


It's never too early to set goals. In fact, in a flurry of cleaning I found two index cards with Matthew's goals listed. Now I can't remember all of them nor do I want to reveal his secrets but he had two tiers of goals - immediate and future. The more immediate goals included a new green mountain bike, a better than minimum wage job, and a girl friend. The farther reaching goals also included a girl friend, a nice house, a good career, children. You get the idea.

When I came across these cards I realized that we had something special on our hands. Very special. Who writes goals when they are 11? He does and I am certain he will achieve what he desires.



Daniel recounted the best days of his life:

• Being born


• Getting to know what a dog was, because when I was a baby I didn't really know.


• My first day with a friend

Michael's secrets for living

• Smile at jokes even if you do not think they are funny


• Get 9 hours of sleep.

(That's it - very simple)



Daniel's technique for knowing when he needs to bathe


"I put my fingers in my armpits and smell them."

This side of paradise

After five days in Bermuda, with the bluest water you've ever seen, flowering shrubs everywhere, and truly white/pink powdery sand - Rhode Island indeed looks kind of drab. Now I've always thought Rhode Island was a pretty place, but it is indeed all relative. Rhode Island is more of a palette of green. Oh and did I mention Bermuda has topography with sweeping views of the sea. I said to my Aunt who grew up in Bermuda, I don't know how you can even swim in our ocean or step on our sand, if you grew up with this. She never gets tired of the beauty, she said. She always appreciates it. The trip made me want to get some more flowering plants in our yard. It also had me wondering - what are we doing living here?

I fell in love with a man from Bermuda once and going back I think at least half of that love was the magic of the place. The beauty is extreme. That and also it's like a second home for me - my mother is Bermudian. It feels like going home.

Some things noticed while away

• The babysitter couldn't believe the volume of eating posted by the three boys. Get a piece of banana bread while it's hot or you won't get any.
  
• I couldn't believe one of my son's constant talking upon return, still can't.
  
• I felt impatient and uptight compared to the Bermudians I met. Living in a beautiful, laid back place certainly has impacted their personalities in the best way. And they are very friendly to visitors.
  
• Doug and I were both kinder and more loving while away with just the two of us and no interruptions. He helped me with my bag, asked me if I wanted a muffin, there was the occasional touch on the knee . . .you get the idea.

Unrelated thoughts

• Daniel took out a video of Roots from the library. Now this mini-series has certain sentimental value for me because it was all over the television when I was 11 years old. I just happened to be in the hospital for quite a length of that run and was absolutely captivated by the characters and story. Viewing it today, it all looked a little, I'm sorry, cheesy. The fake accents and acting just seemed way overdone.
  
• I am taking lessons from a friend with a blog who wrote about gardening and said 'a little each day.' I am taking the same approach - otherwise gardens and life can be a little overwhelming. A little each day - so weeding or whatever isn't drudgery.
  
• I am still debating about what is the right approach with children - drive/push them to excel or let them find their own motivation. I suppose it is my self-perceived lack of achievement that wants more for them. In terms of athletics, you may be very, very good at a sport but that doesn't last too long. There are countless stories of excellent high school athletes whose 'careers' end with graduation.
  
• Michael ran the 400 meters in something like 67 seconds at a track meet. While waiting for the track bus to arrive at the school, I ran the 400 in 2 minutes and 20 seconds. Don't think I ever could have run as fast as him even in my prime . . .
  
• The 'Boy who runs in chinos' has remembered his track uniform most days but did run in heavy blue jeans at a practice once or twice. I told him about swimmers who double up their suits in practice so they can feel sleek and fast in the meets with one suit.

• Good god, speaking of swimming. An 80+ year old friend wrote a book about swimming which I enjoyed very much. I enjoyed the tips for my lap swimming and the anecdotes about his life. The good god part is this - did you know that swim teams in the early years of swimming practiced in the nude? He said this in his book. Hence, the men and women's teams did not practice together. I must ask him about it when I see him. "I enjoyed your book very much. Did you really swim in the nude?" This was at Brown no less.

My Family - a portrait in textiles by Daniel

Above: Toto. Below: The rest of the family

Well what to you think of this family portrait? I have a couple of observations. First Danny and Matt look approximately the same even though they are almost 5 years apart. I think Daniel must see himself this way - on par with his older brother - which explains how advanced he is at such a young age. Likewise for Michael and Dad, who look approximately alike but are almost 35 years apart - although Michael has 2 more strands of hair. It is interesting to note that both Michael and Doug have blond hair. Doug has never had blond hair - in fact his hair is mostly gray or non-existent at this point. I think some of my observations are a reflection on the variety of materials available i.e. there was no gray yarn. OR, gasp, no one else in kindergarten has a parent with gray hair.

I have the most hair with three full strands of black hair and Daniel has clothed me in fashionable khakis with a nice floral shirt. Yes, I would wear something like this.

I also like how I am the most prominent person in the photo - rising or hovering slightly above the masses.

While Dad and I are smiling, the boys have very flat expressions. Perhaps that's a reflection on their recent lists of chores . . .or their boredom, I am not sure.

The biggest omission in the portrait is Toto - and he is Daniel's most favorite thing in the whole world, so I have included a recent photo above.

Unrelated thoughts

• We received a direct deposit in the amount of $158.13 from FEMA for our flooded basement. What this is for, I am not sure. Possibilities: My 2-3 hours of time dealing with FEMA, gasoline for the water pump, cleanup supplies at Home Depot, disposal costs at the local dump. Frankly, I was grateful to receive anything but when I heard a friend's elderly, low income parents only received $1,000 for a completely flooded basement including a destroyed burner and washer/dryer, I was a little disheartened.

• FEMA also told me they recognize what a difficult time this was for me and my family.

Well I really set out to write a humorous essay about my experience with FEMA but the whole experience has me pondering the inefficiencies of our government.

Yes, our basement was flooded like many other people on March 31 and for the next two weeks! At the prompting of a friend who said, "My friend in Biscuit City already got her check from FEMA," I stopped by the FEMA tent at the Wakefield Mall. The recognizance team will be there until May 28. There are police, multiple personnel, an RV. It's a federal response to a natural disaster and it takes time.

To make a long story short, in the course of registering (0n the phone bank) and visiting the various stations I must have recited my address five different times. I guess I shouldn't expect much more from a government bureaucracy. Similarly, to qualify for FEMA money, you also have to apply for a SBA loan. Now I don't want a loan like most people - I want free money. But they suggested I keep my options open. How can anyone argue with that? But I digress, the point I want to make about inefficiency being that the federal government in its wisdom sends out one inspector for FEMA and another for the SBA. It is no wonder our country careens deeper and deeper into debt.

The mitigation specialist seemed like a very nice man but probably insane with Alzheimer’s. It was at this stage the receptionist removed my all important checklist and this caused mitigation great angst. He couldn't understand the simple words "She took it" or "I took it" and kept looking because he thought he misplaced it.

As I pondered government efficiency, lo and behold the inspector called me to set up an appointment that same day. And my check is in the mail - NOT!

I did get some packet from FEMA a few days after the inspection that seemed to suggest I apply for a loan - I think. It wasn't exactly a form letter and I'm not sure where it ended up.

BUT, I do know that we need to re-finish that basement because now the boys are all watching T.V. in the living room, leaving their dirty dishes all over that room (and socks), and generally upsetting any relaxing T.V. watching I used to do on occasion in the evenings.

And a happy mother is the key to a happy family - don't ya think?

What I learned on my vacation

• On my vacation with the three boys and one husband, I realized almost immediately that 'vacation' is a very loose term - especially when you travel with kids.

• From day one I also realized that the volume of food the three boys eat in a day is extraordinary. And much more than I realized.

• It's not work per se that is stressing me out - it's more the combination of children and work.

It all had me thinking about what is the ideal family vacation? I actually think we already know/have this down (exotic locales aside). It's a couple of weeks at the beach where the boys know and have friends to play with. In other words the ideal family vacation involves kid occupation and adult relaxation. There's gotta be something for the kids to do sans adults and vice versa. Sweet Matunuck is coming this August for two whole weeks though Michael did say the trip to Florida was awesome. I have had awesomer. He also said Matunuck is his favorite thing in the whole world. I guess he wins either way.

Though someone suggested a resort vacation with kid activities may be the ideal vacation, I am not big on the artificial, contained environment.

Yes I have had awesomer vacations sans kids. Sorry guys, it's just the way it is - the energy, the noise level, the responsibility for meals. I can actually be more relaxed at home drinking a beer (or two) on the front porch in the dappled sunshine - as the boys play in the yard. Their muted voices blend with the song birds and vice versa.

Misery loves company

Yes, our finished basement was flooded and it still has water in it. A bummer I know but I was listening to something the other day that said even in times of trouble we can find things to be grateful for. So here are my lessons from the flood.

• Life is unpredictable to be sure and we absolutely have no control. It's good to be reminded of this every once in a while so you don't take yourself or your tasks too seriously. Enjoy the moment like the sunshine warming your back as you load up another trailer with construction debris.

• I am grateful only our basement was destroyed and not our whole house - like some people.

• We had to move our keyboard upstairs due to the water and this has certain benefits. The boys practice more and with all the chaos now upstairs - my piano teacher suggested that my concentration will improve.

• We have gotten rid of a lot of stuff and that is a great thing.

• Though my brain cells don't always fire like they used to - I can follow complicated instructions like starting a gasoline powered pump. Instructions include turning it on, adjusting the choke, and priming the pump.

• The boys made $8.75 in about 30 minutes sitting down at the corner with our junk. After that they put up the free sign and all but a table went. Turns out Doug needs this table after all.

• The Xmas decorations won't smell moldy this year as they are upstairs in my closet now.

• We got six years out of our finished basement. When Doug called a friend to borrow his trailer he said, "I am unfinishing the basement."

• I got rid of a lot of stuff (this is the biggest benefit!) and this has me very intent on some decorating/making the house look nice. I have already rearranged the boys' rooms and want to re-do all the rooms with the help of a friend who has a very good eye and nice style.

• Matthew did his laundry because his clean clothes weren't coming fast enough as we were pre-occupied with the flood.

• We have been talking/commiserating with the neighbors. Misery loves company and I believe this flood has brought us closer together.

• In fact, it probably has brought the family closer together because we only have one primary room to congregate in.

• The boys are all helping Dad with the work in the basement and seem relatively cheerful about it.

• This flood has been something to open up a myriad of conversations with people. The only thing is when people say their basement was O.K., you want to secretly ring their neck.

• Doug now knows what it's like to get up in the middle of the night and pump:)