Good reasons to take up smoking

There are many good reasons to take up smoking. Though I must admit I have never smoked, recently I have been considering starting the habit and here's why.

• My ice cream and beer diet isn't working. Perhaps if I started smoking I would lose, say 10 pounds, easy. That would put me close to my ideal weight.



• I could take regular smoking breaks at work at some federally-sponsored distance from the building.



• The smoking might help me with the stress of the new job. It might even relieve my twitching eye.



• Smoking might turn my voice into something more sultry, for singing sexy ballads.



• It would give me something to spend my disposable income on rather than $5,350 for braces (times two), $2,000 for jr. leadership trip to D.C. (borderline scam), and $5,125 for the new oil burner. Thought this last listing is providing the benefit of hot showers even while the dishwasher or the washing machine are running. A minor miracle.



• I would look cool for once in my life. Picture a female, middle-aged housewife version of James Dean.



• I wouldn't worry about wrinkles because no one would get close enough to notice. Or smokers just take wrinkles as they come. Acceptance. Like an AA kind of thing.



• Finally, I could get some of those t-shirts with pockets and have a pack squarely displayed over my left breast. If those shirts needed washing, I could roll the pack up in the t-shirt sleeve, squarely displayed on my left shoulder. Cool.

Unrelated thoughts

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  "I am not here to judge." This was uttered by a waitress at the Pump House after I ordered a cheeseburger.


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  An ex-colleague described his job as 'tolerable' while another was spouting ecstatically via a blog about finding her purpose in life and how great that feels. This new job has me questioning both - of course the purpose one sounds better but that doesn't always pay the bills. In my new job (I can't write too much as someone from work could possibly read this), all leadership and responsibilities have been dropped and I have morphed into a well paid typist for my 78 year old boss. Increased pay and no real responsibilities. Or as we decided at dinner the other night am I just so smart that the job is easy for me? There is much to write about this and perhaps it is a topic for next time. As in life, how do I know this is the right situation for me? Should I give it a year and then evaluate? I feel trapped in the 8-4:30 cell with no flexibility. Or am I just whinning? This is life for many folks. And I have had the luxury of 10 years of flexibility. For example, I don't know if I can play tennis this winter on Friday mornings. Should I ask and see if I can still play make up the time? I am thinking about getting a PhD in Marine Affairs. I can't play tennis and ask for time to take 1 class/semester. Michael has his graduation from 8th grade soon. Do I go and make up the time? Doug is away next week and I will have trouble squeezing my hours in, not to speak of exercise. Though I could solve this last one with smoking. Perhaps smoking is the key to everything. Yes, smoking.