A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

Most of what I've learned I've forgotten but I do know that a picture is worth a thousand words. Only except I don't have one of me in my bikini. Not only is no one home to take a picture of me in it, they took the camera. I promise I will post a picture next time - if you can stand it.

I barely can and don't know what is prompting this. Perhaps it is a mid-life crisis of sorts - I want to do something I didn't do in my youth. Although for me, that is complicated. You see I have a thick scar that literally cuts across half my belly from a sledding accident I had when I was 11. My kidney ruptured and was removed. Arthroscopic this operation was not. It looks like I was sawed open with a buck saw. As a result of that and a proclivity to chubbiness, I never wore a bikini except one summer when I was 12.

Anyway, you get the idea. So for some reason, I decided I would wear a bikini this summer. And yes I am very self-conscious about this. For one thing I am not as slim as I would like to be (who is? unless of course you have an eating disorder or are seriously ill) but the bigger concern is the whiteness.

You see this stomach has almost never seen the light of day. The contrast between my tanned body parts and the whitest stomach you have ever seen is striking.

But this is one of those get outside of your comfort zone challenges. It's kind of exhilarating in a weird way. First I wore it to a local swimming hole after asking Doug if I was too fat to wear the bikini. He said no - after years of training in answering these kind of remarks.

But I think my anxiety rubbed off on Daniel. He thought people would and were making fun of me. Maybe they were - I don't know.

The second trip to the pond was not as big a deal for me and Daniel.

A third outing to the beach was still O.K. although there were people I actually knew well and my friend starting singing 'It's an itsy bitsy teeny weenie . . .' Still I went swimming in front of the group and sat for a while in the bikini on the beach - very conscious all the while of the white belly rolls normally covered up by a one piece. Shortly thereafter, I slipped on my shirt.

And although I am working to be less competitive - I did notice people on the beach who were wearing bikinis and fatter than me. I admired their nonchalance.

A few days later while out driving with the family, Doug began talking about possibly getting a shotgun and Michael joked about this being his mid-life crisis. I wear a bikini/Doug gets a shot gun. But Doug explained to Michael that men in the midst of such a crisis get little red sports cars - not shotguns for deer/turkey hunting. Hmm.

Unrelated thoughts

• Someone said this to me at a conference - "Even a blind squirrel sometimes finds the nut," only I had no idea what he was referring to. Me?
• Daniel said, "Who put the A/C on?" one morning (this was a while ago) when we woke up to unseasonably cool air. I explained we don't have A/C.
• After a recent doctor's visit, I pondered that it would be nice to have some of my doctors as friends, although I realize this is next to impossible.
• Keep your car locked or you may be the victim of a zucchini drop - whereby a rogue gardener leaves a bag of zucchini in your car.
• I recently donated eight pounds of cucumbers and peppers to the local food pantry. This felt good.
• My latest quote of wisdom to da boyz "I don't know everything about everything." In fact as I stated in the beginning of this article - most of what I've learned I've forgotten.
• Doug is tired of doing things that don't benefit him directly and for which he is unappreciated. Sounds a lot like a housework, work, or life in general - although I did sympathize.